November 29, 2007
Wednesday evening is Kid Nation night. We try to watch that without fail. It’s a good show that we can watch together as a family and the kids love to see other kids running a town on their own. It’s a chance to hear how our children feel about what is being done in Bonanza City, what they would do differently, how they would handle different situations, and generally get inside their heads without having to ask all those pesky questions that seem to discombobulate them so badly.
During one commercial break there was a promo for the movie “The Golden Compass.” I was telling My Dearest Husband that I had recently gotten an email stating the opinion that in this movie they were trying to kill God. Princess Bella pops up with the following reply, “That’s stupid! God’s already dead! They can’t kill him if he’s already dead! DUH!”
My head was swimming. I got slightly dizzy with all the thoughts, fears, assumptions, and questions that were simultaneously vying for attention. My delightfully reasonable reply to her statement was “Say what?”
“Oh yes! You see when people start talking about God, I start listening! I stop wiggling around, sit still with my hands in my lap and listen real careful when they start talking about God.” I’m still waiting to hear the part where He’s dead. It isn’t coming clear to me yet so, against my better judgement, I have to ask. “Bella, what makes you think God is dead?”
(Long suffering sigh accompanied by rolling of the eyes) “Because he is in Heaven. You can’t get into Heaven unless you’re dead. I heard this in church because I listen. I pay attention. Maybe if you went to church more and paid more attention YOU would know that God was already dead too, Gammie.”
I was at a total loss for words. Her logic was stunning. It didn’t faze her one bit to think that God was dead. The fact that a dead God was in Heaven with all her dead loved ones, just waiting on her to get there one day was comforting for her. It made perfect sense to her.
I’m sure we’ll discuss this more at a later date. She will not suffer my ignorance for long. In the meantime, I’ll have to talk to some of my friends with ministerial credentials, do some research, knock back a few beers, and generally prepare myself for it. Because to be completely honest with you, I’m not really sure I’m up for the task. She might just take me down.
In the realm that God inhabits, is there any difference between life and death? For God they could just be a state of mind. They could be different levels of thought, or place, or feeling. Who knows? I feel like I’m going into a battle of wits totally unarmed. Maybe……..if she brings the subject up again I’ll just point up into the sky and shout, “LOOK! It’s a flock of turtles!” Then run away.
That might work, right?
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Children, Family, Funny Story, Humor, humour, Kids, True Story, Uncategorized | Tagged: Bonanza City, Church, God, God is Dead, Heaven, Kid Nation, movie, The Golden Compass | 
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Posted by thought4food
November 9, 2007
It’s after three AM and I just got done removing a dumb old Trojan virus from my computer! I feel violated. Like someone came into my house and went through my underwear drawer. *shudder* How creepy is that??? I’m not sure which is more creepy, having someone standing around snooping through your stuff firsthand or having them be so cowardly that they have to do it from some far off place through wires. At least I have a fair chance of shooting their buns off if they are standing in my house. Note to hackers….stop that. It’s not nice. Shame on you.
We went to school conferences for report cards. Now I have to call my mom and apologize for having been a kid again! Dang all the stuff I did and all my snotty attitudes are sure coming back on me now! Bella got straight A’s again. No surprise. We aren’t counting conduct and social skills here kids. We are only counting academics. Bella shines like a super nova in the learning arena. She intelligent in the extreme and it’s her area of expertise.
Her ADHD prevents her from getting those nice A’s in conduct though. Poor kid. You can literally watch her lose all control of what she’s doing. I used to have the smart-assed attitude that ADD was truly an attention deficit. That if her parents just paid some attention to her, she would be fine. Then she came to live with ME! Boy did that attitude ever smack me in the butt! I found out first hand what it was like.
I fought against medicating her for as long as I could. I didn’t believe in doing it. I thought it was a cop out. I thought it was the lazy way to deal with an illness. I was ate up with a superiority complex. I got over that. Poor little Bella would honestly run herself until she fell down from exhaustion. She would go until she literally could NOT go any more. Her body would give out.
It was then that I decided that my high and mighty attitude needed an adjustment and we put her on the medication. It was an absolute delight to see the difference it made in her. She could sit down and read a book. She could finish a sentence. She could finish a thought. She could sleep! It was awesome! And now she gets those marvelous A’s on her report cards. Screw the conduct grades. We’ll deal with those as best we can. I just love to see the smile on her face when she sees all those A’s. That means she has succeeded and Bella needs that.
The Buddha is on the A/B honor roll. This surprises me not one bit. He is capable of being on the A honor roll every single time. However, he knows that he can do it and for him, that is enough. He likes to hear his teachers and me talk about how smart he is and how capable he is. It makes him feel good. He likes us to all sit around together telling him how smart he is. He will do his homework, he just won’t turn it in. However, he does good enough on his tests that his GPA keeps him on the honor roll even though his report card grades can be C’s and D’s! It makes my head spin!
It’s that head spinning part that means I need to call my momma. Because I remember having exactly the same attitude when I was his age. I remember being just as capable and just as unwilling to put in the time and effort. I remember my momma doing everything she could do to convince me that it was important and me thinking that it just really wasn’t. I figured that as long as I understood the work, it didn’t matter if I turned in homework. My test scores would be enough. And I could pull a good test grade out of thin air. I’m sure I was infuriating, because The Buddha can do that now and it infuriates me! He can put in minimal effort and get the most amazing good grades for it! I tell him that I would give him an F for it because I know he tossed it together like a five second salad. He just laughs.
However, they both got the point, they are both smart kids, and I like to tell myself that I had something to do with that. I got my mama’s smarts and passed them down. Okay, so I borrowed them from someone else. At least I passed them along. And I didn’t turn out so bad. I’ve never been to jail.
I DID get arrested once. It was really fun! The deputy and I had a big laugh over the fact that my fingers were the smallest ones he had ever tried to finger print. I had to roll them myself because I have freakishly small hands and he had big beefy fingers. And I told them when they took my mug shot, that if I had known I was going to get my picture taken I would have had my hair done that day. We laughed and joked and had a real good time. They said they never had more fun arresting anyone before and I said that I never had more fun getting arrested. They called me on that one though, because I had never been arrested before. They told me that they were going to make copies of my mug shot because it was the only one they had ever seen with the person smiling so sweetly! In my defense, I really like new experiences and that was my first time!
It did kinda make me sad though because it ruined my hopes of becoming a spy for the CIA. They apologized for that. All in all it was a very pleasant experience considering the fact that I was being arrested for assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. The strangest things can happen to you when you have teen-aged daughters! Just so you know, it never made it to court. It was tossed out as the ridiculous charge that it was before it ever got there. However, you can go down to the sheriff’s department and look at the old mug shots and if you see someone smiling like they are having the time of their lives………that’s me!
That all happened about fourteen years ago, but those guys still wave at me when we pass on the street. We laughed it up about it when I ran the pawn shop and they would come in. I think I was their favorite “criminal”. The funny thing was, we were out of town when they came to our house to arrest us, so we rode up to the sheriff’s department and turned ourselves in! *sigh* Good times, good times!
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Posted by thought4food
October 27, 2007
If I spend too much time on my own, I think. This is never a good thing. If you have ever read any of my blogs, you already know this. If you haven’t, you might want to turn back now, for your own sanity. This could get ugly.
Don’t name your kid Robin Banks. It could lead to trouble. Along the same lines, if your last name is Clutter, best not to name your daughter Lotta. Children are cruel.
I have actually said this…….Stop throwing daddy’s underwear at your sister!
And this……..If you lock her in that cage and the neighbors have to get her out one more time! grrrrrrr
And this……..No, honey, it’s really not ok if you hurt your brother when we get home. I know, baby, I want to too. But we can’t, no matter how much we want to. (this is accompanied by snickers from the back seat)
I recently realized that I have the ability to become invisible! That’s right! And if you have teenaged children, you too can accomplish this amazing feat. All you have to do is take them out in public, which they will beg and plead for you to do. Immediately upon doing so, you will become……(insert drumroll here)…..INVISIBLE!!!!! You will no longer be seen or heard until you again reach the confines of your home. Incredible, right? I thought so too. (the invisibility cloak effect CAN be overcome if said teenager needs funds that only you can provide…..this is in fact a good time for YOU to teach them that THEY can also become invisible! *giggle*)
I sometimes like to wake the kids up by shaking them and pretending to talk while only moving my lips. Freaks them out and makes them think they can’t hear. (and I wonder why they hate me)
If I hate what my kids are wearing, I tell them that it’s the coolest outfit I’ve ever seen. They will immediately go to their rooms and take it off. I keep doing this until they put on something acceptable. At that point I begin to grumble about it being inappropriate and how much I hate it. It would take dynamite to get it off of them then.
White wheat bread rules. Kids can’t tell the difference. It’s my kind of sneaky.
Droughts suck. Rain rules…..unless it rains too much…..then rain sucks. It’s a thin line, ain’t it?
These words actually came out of my mouth and I wasn’t even drunk……….”It’s an ASH tray not a TRASH tray, put that hair on the floor where it belongs. (………….ok, I was going to try but I have no excuse and no defense for this one except that it was a long time ago and I have brain damage) (wonders if the brain damage card will play this time)
I wonder about myself sometimes. I really do. I mean, near as I remember I wasn’t even sweeping or vaccuuming or anything when I said that last one! I shock myself! Good Lord I hope that was the worst thing I ever said like that, because I will tell on me in a heartbeat! You see how I am! I obviously have no shame!
Pick your battles.
Sometimes, the ass whooping is worth it. I learned this from my ex. We went out to a honky tonk one night and he told me that I was cramping his style. To which I replied, “You have no style.” Sometimes, the ass whooping is worth it. *giggle* I frame that look on his face in my imagination to this day. (public service announcement: don’t live like that. you already know better. act on it. “but I love him” is not an excuse poison is poison and eventually it will kill you)
I want to raise chickens. My Dearest Husband fears that if I do, he will come home one day to find me and the kids doing a chicken dance out in the back yard. He’s probably right. But that’s what he likes about me. I ain’t normal.
Why was Beaver and Wally’s last name Cleaver? Kinda creepy, wasn’t it?
I wonder if Alfred Hitchcock ever got laid. I mean, he was like beaucoup famous and rich. But not really so very attractive. But then, to a certain kind of person, money is a damn good lookin thang, right? So he probably did. EW! Go away visual! Go AWAY!!!!
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Posted by thought4food
October 26, 2007
Zero Tolerance = Zero Common Sense This is just an excuse to keep from having to think for yourself. Anytime a second grade student is suspended for a freakin stick figure drawing and children are banned from playing cops and robbers, we have gone way too far.
Chernobyl spread radiation through the atmosphere and it infested the wombs of all child bearing women as well as anyone with a functioning brain cell and we are seeing the results of that today in the following ways: Homeland Security, Political Correctness, the attack on smokers by lying drunken sex abuser politicians, the American people allowing this to happen, the fact that we allow sports figures to make millions of dollars to play a game but the people who educate our children barely make a living wage. I could keep listing things until your momma spits up, but you get the point.
Fire should be regulated and taxed. We should put Homeland Security on that right away.
It is my own personal belief that Homeland Security is about as useful as windshield wipers on a cat’s ass.
It is also my own personal belief that Homeland Security will probably come knocking on my door some day because I’m a threat to…..well…..homeland security, due to my subversive nature. And the fact that I have the audacity to say they are a crock of shit on the internet. And that I believe they are the single greatest threat to the American people since 1776. Any time Homeland Security is in charge of who gets to join the Mile High Club, you have a problem that needs solving, boys and girls. Think about it. Lucky for Homeland Security, not many of you read my blog!
If Homeland Security really wanted to secure the homeland, the first thing they would do is execute every treasonous bastard that had a hand in forming that organization in the first place. Then they would arrest themselves for treason, and then vaporize the organization for all time. THAT would be some homeland security!
Don’t let other people tell you what is okay and what isn’t. Political Correctness is just someone else’s way of saying “Do what I want you to do or I’m going to make you feel bad about yourself.” It’s schoolyard bullshit in it’s most refined form. Don’t fall for it again.
FINALLY! Someone had the dump-truck sized balls to say something in Blackwater’s favor! Give that man a medal! It’s the saddest thing in the world when it takes balls to say the simple truth. Americans used to be known for that. Now we’re not. What does that say about us?
We need to take care of our soldiers and our veterans. We need to take BETTER care of them. We really don’t need to have this explained to death do we?
Don’t be greedy. It’s unattractive in the extreme. Nobody likes that about you but you.
Don’t be selfish. It’s unattractive in the extreme. Nobody likes that about you but you.
What goes around comes around. Don’t be surprised when it comes back on you. You might think you’re being slick right now, but it won’t look so good when you’re on the receiving end.
Play fair. You learned this in first grade. It still applies. The rules didn’t change when you hit twenty-one.
If you can’t tell your grandma about it, you probably shouldn’t do it.
The spell-checker on a blog should include the word “blog” in its’ dictionary! Seriously!
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Posted by thought4food
October 4, 2007
Life is perception. How we perceive an event is our reality of it. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. What you perceive as meaningless, someone else might perceive as the most meaningful thing in their life. Pay attention to how those important to you perceive the events in your lives. It counts.
Inaction is an action all by itself. It indicates indifference on a massive scale.
Why in the hell would anyone in this country with even ONE functioning brain cell think that Hillary Clinton would make a good president? This is a woman whose self esteem is so low that she stayed with a man who cheated on her in front of the entire world on more than one occasion. This can only mean one thing: He will pay in front of the entire world, and he will pay big! So, let’s put her in the White House????? Is she planning on giving her VP a BJ on TV during a State of the Nation Address? (Do you think I used enough acronyms in that sentence?) Women who stick around after being treated that way have one thing in mind: revenge. If Bill is smart (I know, I know, but it’s only a figure of speech) he would do something searingly outrageous and destroy her chances. It might save his life. And speaking as a woman myself, I can tell you this: Hillary remembers every one of you who have screwed her over. You might not even be aware that you did. *see paragraph one* And you will not get away unscathed either. Kenneth Star, I’m especially talking to YOU! She will smile for the cameras while she is listening in her earpiece to them tell her that the “package” has been deposited. That will be you in the East River wearing a pair of cement overshoes, going to sleep with the fishes. But only after she has caused them to make you scream like a girl. Think about it guys. Women are by far more vicious than men will ever be. And we never forget a slight. We certainly never forgive one. Putting Hillary Clinton in the White House is like dressing up Brittney Spears and putting HER in the White House. Sounds good, don’t it?
I wonder if the people that Blackwater were hired to guard and protect in Iraq want them gone? I haven’t heard anyone ask them. I haven’t heard any of them say. I would love to hear the answer to those questions. I also wonder who it was that Blackwater had with them at the time of the last big incident that caused all this hooohaaa. I hate magicians because I feel like misdirection is inherently dishonest. So this last big deal over Blackwater makes me wonder who was there and why all the fingers are pointing in so many different directions, but no one is saying who was with them.
Why are children always at their most obnoxious when my head hurts?#$%^&*
What parents say and what kids hear are two completely different things. example: Me-“Hi Honey, how was your day?”
Them-“Why R U gettin all up in my KoolAid?” That wasn’t a good exchange at all was it? We had no exchange of information, no exchange of pleasantries at all. That’s because what they hear is not what we said.
Me-how was your day translation: What did you do that was wrong or that I’m going to get a call from your school about before the day is through?
No wonder the response is so vehement! I have no solution for this distortion as yet, however I am working on it and as soon as I perfect the formula, I will put it on a paid programming commercial at 4:45am and you too can have it for 6 easy payments of JUST $19.95 plus shipping and handling!
When we were kids our dad used to wake us up every morning and whip us before he went to work. He did this because he knew that before he got home that night we would have done something to deserve it. He was right. I’m thinking about reviving that old tradition. Either that, or take up drinking. I’m not really sure which way I’m going to go yet. I’m leaning towards the whipping, but I’m not sure I could stand all that whining and crying. But after the first time or two, I’d probably cowboy up and stop doing that. On the other hand, drinking would be so much less work for me. *sigh* decisions, decisions
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Posted by thought4food
September 28, 2007
Our oldest daughter came home yesterday. It’s been three years since I’ve laid eyes on her. My heart has seen her twenty-four/seven but my eyes have hungered for her non-stop. Going long periods of time between physically seeing her is normal. She is a natural born gypsy. She comes by that honestly.
I never seem to be prepared for just how overwhelmingly happy I am to see her. I kept poking her on the arm. She kept looking at me. Finally, the last time I did it she said, “Believe I’m really here yet?” There seems to be a Birdie shaped hole in my being when she isn’t with me that immediately fills up when she comes home.
It’s like that with all my family and to a lesser degree with my friends. I’m like a puzzle. I’m this huge picture. I know what it is, I know what it looks like. But I’m only really complete and the whole big picture when everyone is together. I almost had it this Labor Day.
Labor Day marked the one year anniversary since the house burned down. All in all things have progressed fairly splendidly since then. We moved into what seems to us to be the perfect house in which to finish raising the kids, finish growing old, hobble around awhile, become a burden to said kids, make them change our diapers just like we did theirs, and eventually be remanded to an old folks home, there to linger and molder away, forgotten and neglected while the aforementioned kids are happily enjoying the life of Riley back at the old homestead. So we decided it was time to conduct a good ol fashioned throw-down.
The icing on the cake was that my mom (you remember her, I am now the proud owner of her hands) and my brothers and my sister(in law) and my niece(my GOD I love that kid) all came up from good ol FLA to attend! AND My Dearest Husband’s Grandma came from 250 miles away along with his mom. Most of our closest friends were able to attend. The few that weren’t were in our thoughts. Our new neighbors were here. We had just the best time ever! The best count we could get was approximately 47 people. Not bad.
The kids all played and didn’t fuss and fight. The grownups all played and didn’t fuss and fight. Even I was nice! (I think) It lasted from around noon until way, way late. Actually it lasted until way early the next day. We had two chefs that cooked on the grill for us. OMG They ruled! My Dearest Husband’s Aunt and Cousin brought some kick ass goodies. We cooked. I say “we” as if I actually helped any! LOL I didn’t! Don’t let me fool you. I was absolutely NO help of any kind at all. My help consisted of staying out of the way and trying not to talk too much. Because by the day of the party I had been off my meds for a fair amount of days ( another story for another time) and I was having major difficulties even saying words. Mostly I just wandered around aimlessly. But at least I wasn’t destructive. That in itself was helpful.
The bros and the hubbie knocked out a couple horse shoe pits and everyone threw some shoes. Down here in Carolina you ain’t had a party if you haven’t threw the shoes. After everyone left, my little brother, Pony, got out my guitar and he and my older brother, Pork Chop, and I sat out on the front porch and sang all the old songs while the dogs lay around under our feet. Pork Chop said it was like being in Mayberry.
The puzzle was mostly put together that day. Only a few missing pieces. It was good to have everyone here. It’s been awhile since we’ve been able to do that.
Big party, lots of people, food, beer, family, friends, no bloodshed = success.
*sigh* (insert big sappy grin) I love reunions.
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Posted by thought4food
September 22, 2007
Okay, that’s it for the sappy emotion.
I’ve moved. I’m now living in a house on top of a hill. It’s harder than I thought it would be, this not being a slob and all. When you have a nice house you sorta feel like you should keep it nice. My own expectations are exhausting me.
But it’s all bright and white and neat and shit. And it’s out in the open and the sun shines on me all the time. Except when the sun doesn’t shine on me. Then it’s only partly light. Or else it’s dark. That happens at some point every day. Go figger. Still, it’s very……(I’m searching for an appropriate word here)…..happifying! That’s a word, right?
I’ve started walking in the mornings after I put Miss Bella and His Highness the Buddha on the bus for school. *giggle* School. I love school. Anyway, I’ve been trying to get some exercise. It seems to be working pretty well. If you don’t count the fact that for the past 3 or 4 days I haven’t really been able to walk. My hip ballooned up and my jaw on the same side did the same thing. I had a tooth cut out there recently. Seriously, you’ve missed a lot. But I seem to be um, infected. EW! I KNOW! It’s all gross sounding to me too.
I’m thinking that I might just be allergic to all that healthy crap. Honest. See, I wasn’t brought up that way. We were brought up to be filthy dirty little heathens! That’s right, Mom! I’m tellin all the family secrets right here! We didn’t use hand sanitizer! We drank sodas ALL THE TIME! We ate the fat on our meat! OH YES WE DID! We ate bacon OFTEN! I SMOKE! We drank! And…..you might want to sit down for this one….sometimes we still do! We used copious amounts of salt on our food. We played in dirt. We played with our friends when they had colds. We did not know our physicians and their office personnel on a first name basis because we went so often. As a matter of fact, we went to the doctor’s office so seldom, that a visit there frightened us to bits! Uh huh that’s right.
I had my first X-ray when I was 14 years old! And I was so terrified that I thought I would puke! I have had many broken bones that were not set. I have had broken bones that I never went to the doctor for at all. We ate burgers from Louie’s! We followed the 5 second rule. We drank from water fountains, not water bottles. Sometimes we drank from water hoses too. If our ice cream fell out of the cone, we picked it up, scraped off whatever trash we could see, and plopped that bad boy back on the cone and ate away! No sense wasting the perfectly good part of a cone over a little bit of trash! Sheesh!
We ate food handled by people who never wore gloves except in the winter when it was really really cold. But never when they were touching our food. We sometimes faked washing our hands before we ate. We walked barefoot from the first snow until the first thaw. And truth be told, if it wasn’t for caffeine and nicotine I would be in a coma.
But until I started trying to be more “healthy” I was in fact healthy as the proverbial horse. The healthier I tried to live, the unhealthier I became.
I developed……….(insert doomsday music here) MS. My theory is this. As I started to live a more healthy lifestyle, my hyped up immune system had less and less legitimate work to do. Being an honest hard working system, it couldn’t bring itself to just lay around and do nothing. So it decided to attack something, anything. Knowing me like it did, it had a meeting and came to the conclusion that it would attack the most useless part of me……my brain. (wink) So it rolled on up in there and went to work.
But, being MY immune system, it couldn’t just attack like normal. Oh no! It had to do it in a bizarre fashion. So it went for my cognitive centers. My memory centers and pathways. Smart-ass immune system. On the other hand, it sometimes goes after me in the normal ways too.
As a result of all this I have decided to go back to my unhealthy ways. I’m back to eating the fat on my meat. I’m gonna go barefoot in the summer until it’s just too darn cold to do it anymore. I’m drinking water out of the faucet and if I’m in the yard I’m drinking it out of the hose. Maybe I won’t eat the ice cream off the ground though. I mean, I am almost 50, after all.
Do you see what happens when I’m away too long? I babble. I start on one topic and end on something not even remotely related. But I have this really cool built in excuse. I have drain bamage. Yeah baby! That’s what I’m talkin bout! *sigh* Unfortunately, everyone I know, knows better. *giggle* Oh well, it was a nice try.
But it’s good to be back. I’ll fill you in on what you missed later. Not allof it. Don’t be so nosey! Sheesh!
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Posted by thought4food
July 11, 2007
Global Warming Sucks.
What’s UP with the people in the van in Texas who gave the little girl X, then put a video of her tripping on the internet? It takes a special kind of stupid to do that! But it is more and more common to find video of idiots doing idiotic things on the net, isn’t it? Sad, sad, sad. On the other hand it makes the job of law enforcement so much easier doesn’t it? And it was ever so helpful of them to include the Christian radio call letters, too! Kinda made me want to spit up on that one. Criminy!?@#
Nancy Grace cracks me up every time! She’s a spunky little broad, that one.
Pedophiles should get an automatic death sentence. No parole, no second chance, no life sentence, no nothing. They are unable to be rehabilitated by their own admission as well as statistically, not to mention by proof of all the previous sex offenders who are out there offending again. We don’t have to go into all the names. You know them. Automatic death sentence. Just add water and Poof! Problem solved.
What is the matter with Robert Kennedy Jr.’s voice, anyway? Dude always sounds like he’s about to cry or hack up a lung or something. Ick.
Those dang ol Lowes stores have way too much cool stuff for your house. I get all discombobulated in there. I get way too many ideas in my head at one time. My ADHD gets all hyped up and it kick starts my MS and that aggravates my ectopic cerebellar tonsils which leads me to suddenly go stupid. I went in there with My Dearest Husband to get a hook to hang up a wooden thingie with our name on it, on the front of our house. This is going to take the place of him pissing off the back porch. *wink* So, since we’re there, I take Bella and go look for some pretty Portulaca’s to hang on the front porch, you know, to accentuate the wooden name plate. On our way to meet up with My Dearest Husband, we pass a really cool garden tub, which would fit perfectly in the bathroom. But, hey! Look! There are the perfect shelves right over there that we need to put in Bella’s closet to kinda keep her overflow of stuffcrapjunkpaperscrapsbitspuffswhispswhatsitswhositsyouknowwhatsthingies in check. And….right over there is a great deal on a counter top that someone special ordered and returned that would fit perfectly in the new kitchen! Woo Hoo! Whoa! Lookit that! It’s that great chalkboard paint that I wanted for the kids rooms! How cool would it be for me to paint their walls so that they COULD write on em? Eh? I’d be the coolest, right? Oh no it isn’t! Yes it is! It’s erasable marker paint! Holy Crap! AND Magnetic paint too! OMG! I’m gonna be the best mom in town! Hmmm I’m starting to feel kinda dizzy. I hate checkerboard floors. My heart is beating really really fast now. How come everything seems to be moving in and out like a zoom lens is on my eyes? Ok, time to go. What? Oh, no, I don’t want to buy anything. I just wanna go home. Suddenly I don’t feel so good. Dang ol Lowes store.
Iced Tiger Spiced Chai is the best drink in the world when it’s hot outside.
You should always marry your best friend. However, if your best friend is the same sex as you and you are heterosexual, disregard this advice. Also, if your best friend is of the opposite sex, and you are gay, disregard this advice. Otherwise, take it. And if I forgot any other exceptions, use yer noggin and figure them out. I have brain damage, don’t let me do your thinking for you!
I’m sleepy and I’m going to bed.
Oh! And I’m sending His Highness the Buddha and Miss Bella back to day camp for the rest of the week. It’s only three days but by golly I’ll take what I can get! I’m giddy with anticipation! Be happy for me!
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Posted by thought4food
July 9, 2007
Yes, thaaaaat’s right. School is STILL out. DAMN SCHOOL! These kids are driving me crazy!
Typical Day
Where are all the popcicles?????
Yall ate 43 of them yesterday. They’re gone.
I didn’t eat them! HE/SHE ate them! (various amounts of violent discord ensues)
That is what they’re there for, you both ate them. Now go play.
Pig!
Hog! (more discord)
Cut that out and go play before I send you to your rooms. (riiiiight! then they will be locked up in here with ME! Fat chance! )
Well when are we going to get some more popcicles? We need some more popcicles. It’s hot, we need popcicles!
tick tick tick hours pass with the incessant questions of popcicles. Finally I cave. We go get popcicles.
Are they frozen yet? No Are they frozen yet? No Are they frozen yet? NO Are they frozen yet? NONONO Are they frozen yet?
*sigh* Yes, thank all the Gods in the Universe! They are frozen!!!!!!!!!!! Hello? Where are you? The popcicles are frozen! Ya want one?
(In unison with a nice four part harmony..) No, I’m tired of popcicles. Do we have any ice cream? *SOB*
Does anyone know when school starts again? Haven’t they been out for a really long time? It starts again soon, right? RIGHT??????????????
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Posted by thought4food
July 9, 2007
Heady stuff, this! Scary. Makes my chest tighten up while at the same time makes me feel like a citizen again.
The responsibilities aren’t a big problem because even when we rented we usually took care of all that ourselves. Being grownups, it seemed sort of …… I’m searching for a word here …… childish to go running to someone else to fix every little thing that came along. I realize that your landlord is responsible for doing all of those things, however, it just seemed silly to take the time and effort to call him from (possibly) more pressing things when we could just as easily fix it ourselves and get it done right and right now! We knew it was right because WE did it. Plus, you always get a little cred if you let them know that there was a small problem, but that you fixed it and they didn’t have to bother. Having said this, always make sure that you DO fix it and fix it right. Otherwise you leave yourselves open to all kinds of bad things happening down the road at the most inopportune times.
We have been incredibly lucky with the landlords we’ve had since we moved out of the house I used to own with my ex, Ol Pencil Dick, hereinafter to be referred to as OpeeDee.
Our landlords have all been business owners, who by their very nature squeeze a nickel so hard the buffalo poops are very cost concious. So we were always allowed to fix whatever we wanted to and just take the costs off of the rent. That way, we didn’t have to wait for them to arrange for someone cheap and crappy of their choosing to come around when they sobered up could fit us into their schedule.
From now on, though, WE will be the homeowners! Hot doggies! I’m stoked. I’m in the zone. I’m ready. I’m already thinking of seceeding from the Union. I think I shall start my own nation. I’ll have four acres. That’s a good amount. Not big enough to draw attention, yet large enough for a garden and some chickens. I can mint my own currency. I’ll restrict my airspace. We’ll be a dictatorship. Benevolent, of course. Now all I have to do is decide on what to call it. Bite Me Land. Kiss My Foot If You Don’t Like It -erica? I’ll have to put some more thought into it.
Woman’s definition of homeownership: I can paint the walls any color I want!
Man’s definition of homeownership: I can piss off of the back porch if I want!
Hint: Don’t piss off of the back porch. That’s just nasty.
Okay, time to go put on my game face. It’s paper signing time. My Dearest Husband says I’m not allowed to go in there smiling like a goon. Not until after we’re done with all the John Hancocks. THEN I can smile like a goon. 🙂 Which I will faithfully do…..for quite sometime. Until the roof leaks, or the septic tank needs to be pumped, or the shower starts leaking into the wall behind everything, or or or OMG *gasp* ….anyone got a Valium I could borrow????
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Posted by thought4food
Thought For Food 