My Big Day

October 27, 2011

A couple of days ago I had the best day I have had in so long I can’t really remember. It was awesome!

No, I didn’t win the lottery or Publisher’s Clearing House.  I didn’t get a free trip to the Bahamas.  I didn’t get anything….except to feel fantastic, incredible, happy, healthy,   normal.  For me normal is the highest height I can aspire to.  It’s the highest feeling I’ve had since I got FUBAR’d.   (Thank you Arnold Chiari Malformation and MS….you suck a big green weenie)

It started when I woke up at 4:30 am.  Very unusual for me lately.  Normally I would hit the snooze about seven times and sleep until almost 5:30 am.  But I felt really awake and so I rolled with it.  I got up and fixed homemade biscuits and sausage for everyone for breakfast.  After I got everyone off to school and work, I sat down to read for a few minutes.  When I looked up again I decided that feeling normal ROCKS and so I would use that time to do something constructive.  I proceeded to clean up my paper avalanche around the computer.

When I die it is going to be from being suffocated by a large pile of paper that I couldn’t think well enough to decide what to do with. 

So I put the FAT principle into motion and divided everything into three piles: File, Act, Toss.  That eliminated about 90% of the paper.  Then I filed the F pile and that left me with the Act pile.  So far so good.  Then I tossed 3 years worth of old files and dug down to the current page of my desk calendar.  That right there is more than I’ve done in months and months. 

After I was done, I could actually get to my computer without climbing any paper mountains and without a native guide.  I was happy.  I then went grocery shopping with Rocky and Pony.  When we got back I put away groceries, loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry, and fixed dinner. 

Sounds like a small fraction of anyone’s normal day, doesn’t it?  Yeah, I know.  But for me it was like a life orgasm.  I got to spend a day being sorta like I used to be.  You know, like a real person.  Like a human being that can get up in the morning and look around and say…..I need to do this and this and this…..and not mean ONLY this and this and this but mean in addition to my normal stuff. 

What I can usually do is get up in the morning and look around and say to myself….how in the name of God will I ever be able to catch up with all this stuff?  Then I get really optimistic and say to myself….just pick a couple of things to do and don’t worry about the rest.  Then I look around and there is just SO MUCH that I haven’t done that I can’t decide what needs doing most.  Which makes me feel like a total slug and worthless in the extreme.  Then I get to feeling bad about myself and it ends up where I spend most of every day trying to keep from cutting my own throat for being such a worthless excuse for a human being. 

Because I can’t lift my hands over my head because it messes up my neck and I get headaches and vertigo, and I can’t bend down because it makes me dizzy, and I can’t stand up straight for long because it makes my knees go numb, and I can’t and I can’t and I can’t and I can’t……..!  My entire life is the things I can’t. Sometimes I just go ahead and do it anyway.  Then I spend days where I can’t think good, I can’t walk good, I can’t talk good, my head hurts, my neck hurts and that damn screaming tinnitus will not leave me alone.  I don’t understand what people are saying to me, and I don’t get what they want and I don’t know how to say that I don’t get it.  I am terrified of becoming stuck in that state one day.

But the other day……I had a GOOD day!  I live off of those like they are food.

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Random Thoughts of a WTF Nature 10/18/2011

October 18, 2011

WTF is the deal with re-making films and television shows?   Has imagination gone the way of personal freedom in this country?  Can no one come up with an original idea for a movie anymore?  Put forth some effort people!  How many horrible movies do we need to re-make?  And yet ANOTHER Charlie’s Angels?  Did we not get at least three different versions of that show the first time it was on? I mean, they changed the entire freakin cast several times, didn’t they?  It sure seemed like  it to me!  Then we got the movie version….OK, I liked that one.  Mainly because I really like the actresses in it. (WTF is Lucy Liu doing these days, anyway?)  NOW we get another television version of Charlie’s Angels.  Puhleaassee!!  Get up off your asses pencils and come up with something new!  Sheesh! (Footloose sucked the first time! Nuff said.)

WTF is the idea that commercials have to discuss, along with cute little graphics no less, bowels?  Seriously?  If you have questions about that, I suggest you go to your family doctor and talk about it with him/her.  Or you could take a little trip on the world wide web and get informed by a bunch of people who wrote all about their own bowels on Wiki.  If there isn’t one, after you talk to your doctor and get all the latest info on pooping, you could invent Wiki Pee dia. LOLOL  Damn sometimes I crack myself up!!

WTF is going on with young, gorgeous teachers suddenly deciding that the only place that they can knock out a piece is with a way underaged student?  Are there no grown ups out there that you can hook up with?  It boggles my mind.  Not to mention that these folks, who are teaching our children, still haven’t figured out that if you text (or sext) a kid, that kid will….I REPEAT WILL forward that text to every single person on their contacts list the instant you don’t give them the grade they want!  It’s really not rocket science. Figure it out!

WTF is up with the political situation in this country?  I have been shaking my head for so long that I think I have permanent vertigo!  Just so you folks who are professional politicians know….most of us hate you and everything you don’t stand for.  And in case any of you think you have fooled anyone, all of you Republicans and Democrats alike can stand around until Hell freezes over with your arms crossed in front of you and pointing in both directions at who is to blame, but every one of you greedy, power-hungry bastards and bitches are to blame for the situation our country is in at the moment.  I still believe that every single person who wants to be a politician for a living should be summarily shot and that every single citizen of this country should be required to serve a term as part of their duty to this country.  It couldn’t  come out any worse than it has so far!

WTF…..teenagers.  *sigh*  Need I say more?

WTF…..all the people protesting on Wall Street, and now everywhere else?   I’ve never been able to get a firm grasp on exactly what they are there for.  The pseudo-hippy dude that always seems to be the spokesman for the groups just fascinates me so much while he’s talking that I just fugue out and start reminiscing about “back in the day” when we were all involved in “the revolution” and stuff.  We were all so self  important and sure we were doing something.  Turns out what we were doing was hanging around somewhere getting all involved in one huge mutual admiration society.  We were all so busy standing around in a circle patting each other on the back that we completely missed what the powers that be were doing behind our backs.  I’m just sayin.

 

 

 

 

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Charlie Sheen

March 8, 2011

Once again we get to watch a star go through a public meltdown.  So sad.  Charlie Sheen is obviously having mental, emotional, and judging by the way he looks these days, physical issues.  And of course, this being NEWS,  we will get to watch it happen on every local, state, and national newscast every day. 

I have a hard time trying to figure out why they will show this type of disaster but don’t show the bodies flying through the air when they film a traffic accident.  If it’s acceptable to show someone drowning in mental illness, why isn’t it ok to show someone jumping from a burning building? 

Both are personal disasters and they shouldn’t be made as public as humanly possible.  That’s just common and tacky behavior and news organizations should be ashamed of themselves for cashing in on it. 

I’m just sayin.

P.S.  Does it strike anyone else as odd that one of the top rated television shows in this nation is about a booze addled sexual reprobate who has no interpersonal skills except with hookers?

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Suing McDonald’s?

March 8, 2011

Where do I start? 

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is threatening to sue McDonald’s restaurant if they don’t stop putting toys into their Happy Meal.  WTF?  These people, whoever they are, are equating the happy meal toys with candy from child predators!  What???? 

Number One: This still being America, it is MY decision and MY decision alone what my children eat.  If I don’t want them to eat a Happy Meal I will tell them NO myself.  I don’t want or need your help to do it.  Rest assured, The Center for Science in the Public Interest…….I got this.

Number Two: Who the hell are you anyway?  I never asked some random anonymous group  you to represent my public interest.  I can handle that quite well all on my own, thank you very much.  I’ll be doing that right along with deciding whether or not my kids can have a Happy Meal! 

Number Three:  Butt the hell out!  Here’s an idea…..how about you concern yourself with kids who have no one to make that decision for them?  How about you take your “science in the public interest” and use it for some real public interest?  You can use all of your influence and backing (from God only knows where) and fix the foster care system in this country. Or you can use it to try to infuse some common sense into politics, like maybe instead of forcing people to purchase medical insurance, you can set it up so that those of us who are free Americans can decide for ourselves if we WANT to buy insurance.  Oh wait…..That’s the opposite of what you do, right? 

Number Four:  Who told you what the public interest is?  I don’t recall having a vote as to what my public interests are.  And I can promise you this: it will be twenty years after the end of the world before I let some random group whose aims and goals I know nothing about, decide anything for me. 

Number Five:  What science?  Who are the “scientists” who are providing you with your information?  Is this real science or junk science?  Or is it maybe science of the “let’s see how many dumb asses we can get to back this lame idea without thinking about it” variety? 

Number Six:  What ever happened to parents making the decisions for their children?  That is our JOB!  We decide what we are going to allow.  You can’t legislate stupid out of the world.  If we could, YOU would be the first to go!

*sigh*

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Whatever happpened to……

January 29, 2011

Whatever happened to …..

Wax lips

Penny candy

That kid who played in Oliver Twist and then HR Puffenstuff….Jack something

Drive in movies

Sitting on the front porch in the evenings

Picnics

Those giant crackers that were a square made out of four of the crackers we have now

Maypo cereal

Fizzies

Making butter in Kindergarten by taking turns shaking a canning jar full of cream

……Your turn!

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Random Thoughts 1-5-2011

January 5, 2011

Ohhh this is the first time I’ve written the new year down.  Felt kinda good. 

So…..how come there is no patterned toilet paper?  The cheaper stuff could be patterned after wood chips to disguise the actual wood slivers that are embedded in it.  You could have camo style….to hide stuff.  Duct tape pattern…to fix up any pesky problems you might have in that area.  Flowers….for that springtime fresh feeling.  You get the idea.

Not to give anyone any stooopid ideas or anything,  but a certain city in North Carolina wants to ban smoking in public parks.  *sigh*  Sure, why not?  You already can’t smoke IN A BAR!!!!!!  Why should you be able to smoke out in the open air?  Did you notice that bold type “in a bar” up there?  That’s because not being able to smoke while you are consuming mass quantities of alcohol makes perfect sense.  God forbid you should be suffering from the effects of second hand smoke just before you jump into an automobile and wipe out a family of five.  I’m just saying.

I recently came to the conclusion that I grow several things really well.  Hair…wow can I ever grow hair!  Fingernails….these babies grow like there is no tomorrow.  And ass….it’s like it’s being fertilized!  (please refrain from making that way too easy connection) I”m going to start The Ass Club.  It’s sorta like the hair club only different.  People with no ass could come in and get an ass transplant from someone who is lucky enough to grow all the extra ass in the world..i.e. ME!  I would sell my fingernails too but that’s just nasty.

I’m starting a revolutionary new diet!!!!!!   It’s called don’t eat too much and get exercise.  Okay, I kid.  But did you ever notice that EVERY diet plan that promises to deliver incredible weight loss also has, in tiny print, along with diet and exercise.  The ONE common denominator, diet and exercise.  Let’s just skip all the crap designed to suck us into paying exorbitant amounts of money on some weird contraption and go straight to the diet and exercise portion of our program. 

Christmas was awesome!  Possum, her MDH, and our newest grandson, Lil Man spent the holidays with us.  I love babies.  All babies.  Big uns, small uns, medium uns.  I love em!  That’s because we are on the same intellectual plane.  There is nothing more fun than making faces and strange sounds with a tiny person.  They get such joy out of it.  Needless to say, me and Lil Man had a great time playing with his new toys.  These consisted mainly of the boxes his toys came in.  He loved putting his hand in the box and looking at it through the transparent window in the side.  He is just learning to talk.  DAAAAAA  is his favorite word right now, followed by Naaaaa Naaaaaaaaa.  That means night-night, Nana, and NO.  And he waves backwards, which is possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  Buddha and Princess Bella both got just what they wanted and were happy and satisfied. 

It hit me just this second….I have FOUR grandchildren!!!!!!  Holy cripes I’m gettin on in years!  You don’t hear about my third grand baby because he passed away from complications that he had from birth.  He had just turned two years old.  One of the two saddest times of my life.  But he was the most smiley faced baby I’ve ever seen.  Like he knew he only had a limited time available to him and he intended to enjoy every minute of it.  R.I.P Baby Jimmy!  We love you.

So, did you make New Year’s Resolutions?  Not me!  I learned a long time ago that I’m only setting myself up for failure if I do that.  Just because I don’t like being made to feel forced into anything.  Not even by myself!  I have an attitude problem in those situations.  I have to sneak up behind myself and fool myself into doing the things I need to do.  Where most people need a support group to do things like quit smoking….I would only say screw you to them and do it anyway just to prove to myself that they don’t control my actions.  I know, it’s a self defeating attitude.  But at least I know I have it.  Dr Phil says that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.  But just who does he think he is, anyway?  HE can’t tell me what to do!  Grrrr….oh.  Sorry.  But you see what I mean?  You just can’t deal with me sometimes! 

Ok, so get this!  Princess Bella’s teacher gives her this enormous project in mid-december……build a castle.  One foot tall at minimum.  WTF?  Noooooooo this isn’t the busiest month of the year!  We have NOTHING to do but build a damn castle during the month of de freakin cember!  Keeping in mind that we have company that includes a kid just big enough to remove every object off of every flat surface in the house!  Criminy!  I’m telling you, I have very little love left for that teacher.  Note to teachers:  For the love of GOD!…..THINK about the timing of this stuff!   I love watching them do projects.  They are full of imagination.  Just not at Christmas time.

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December 21, 2010

December 21, 2010

Total lunar eclipse and  Ursids Meteor Shower on the Winter Solstice!  How cool is this????

Last time we had a lunar eclipse on Winter Solstice was in 1639.

Lunar eclipses always give me the ooobla dooblas……the moon is actually in 3D when it’s in eclipse.   I get all cave womany when it happens.  And I’m chicken little during a meteor shower.  So tonite I guess I am chicken little with the ooobla dooblas.  Ha

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Questions and Comments 11/23/10

November 24, 2010

1. So, do you think that the airports will hold up the airplanes while the protesters are getting all felt up by airport security?  Or will they go sailing off with a bunch of lucky people who were on standby?

2. Exactly who is the brilliant genius who thought up Four Loko?  How did this stuff get past the powers that be?  I think that Four Loko is a terrorist plot to undermine and destabilize our youth!  Wait…toooo late!!!!

3. How come no one in this country is screaming bloody murder about insurance companies and the crap they pull?  I mean, these people can take your money for years,  give you nothing in return, and then drop you like a hot rock when you use them for exactly the reason you pay them.  Which means that they got to rob you blind, then walk away with all your money and no one even bats an eye.  Since when does anyone in this country get to promise you protection for a fee and then walk away and give you nothing?  Ummmm besides the Mafia, I mean. 

And here we conclude the questions portion of our evening.  We will now begin the comments portion.

I get all discombobulated thinking about the airport security question these days.  Because I totally get the need for security.  If I were getting on a plane I would want everyone from the pilot on down to myself to be searched with a fanatic vigilance.  I really don’t relish the thought of being aloft in a bombed out airplane.  However, having said that, I also completely understand the feelings of violation that some of the people feel who have undergone the pat down.  Personally, I think that if I was flying, I would use the machine.  It would serve them right to have to look at that! 

Caffeine and alcohol go together like cheese and drill bits.  mmmkay?  Need we say more?  Why yes, I believe we do need.  The fact that this stuff was on the market at all leads me to believe that I could concoct a drink consisting of herbal tea and battery acid and it would be allowed on the market.  Apparently there are no regulations governing this kind of thing.  Next thing you know doctors will be prescribing anti-suppresents and diet prozac. 

How sad is it about the stampede on the bridge in Cambodia?  Dang…..

What is UP with all these mine disasters lately?  I realize that this is a question and we’re supposed to be done with that but seriously…..WTF?  Is this designated as mine disaster season on the universal calendar of events?  Where do you supposed one could get a copy of that calendar?  THAT would be a handy-dandy little thing to have, wouldn’t it?

Welp, tomorrow begins my mad dash to try to get Thanksgiving Dinner on the table.  I’m trying to decide what all I can cook a day ahead.  The good news is that the turkey is now slowly thawing in the fridge and I have all the ingredients that I need to cook everything I had planned to cook.  We’ll see how it goes.  Luckily I have a built-in excuse if everything goes wrong: I’m the one with brain damage.  Everyone else however has no excuse because they allowed me to handle it all.  What kind of poor judgement is that?

I also have two deer hides that I have to do something with.  I really hate to start messing with them on Thanksgiving Eve.  It’s really a messy endeavor.  Maybe I will try to take some pictures of the process and we can see how it works out together. 

Oh!  One more thing…..MDH is going to be in The Horse Magazine!  He’s building a motorcycle for a contest.  I’ll keep you posted on that too.  Or…you could always subscribe to the magazine.  But I will have the inside scoop.  So stay tuned!

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Things I Think Are Odd

September 7, 2009

1.  Catch and release fishing.  Ummm ok.  I think I’ll just go out here and stick a hook in a fish just for the fun of it.  But I won’t actually catch the fish for any real reason other than I want to feel like I can fish really well.  I’ll let them all go after I catch them so that I can feel like I’m not a greedy bitch.  It will make me feel all warm and fuzzy to know that I let a fish lunge for food and BAM, it now has what amounts to a grappling hook gouged through its  facial structure.  Never fear though little fishie.  After I’m done yanking it out of your flesh while you gasp for air, I’ll turn you loose and you’ll be just fine.  WTF?

2.Three Minute Long Chantix Commercials. Holy Mother Of God!  These things last for EVER!  I timed the second one I saw, mainly because after the first one came on I went to the kitchen, got a cup of java, a lil scooby snack, checked the clothes in the dryer, and came back only to find the commercial STILL PLAYING!!??!!  What the hell did it cost to put those little devils on there for three solid minutes?  The idea of the price for that is staggering.  I hope they get their money’s worth.  If irritation was money they’d be rich off of me already.

3. Social Kissing.  Ew.  I just don’t get it.  With all the germophobia going around, why would having someone rubbing their lips all over your face be a good idea?  I’d prefer someone grab my ass to having acquaintances rubbing their face around my face.  Having been a bartender for eleven years, I KNOW where some of those lips have been and I’m telling you I do NOT want them anywhere near my mouth!  Just, ick!

4. Michael Jackson’s Two Month Long Wait For Burial.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I think that white people (yes I’m one of them) are way too quick to put their dead in the ground.  Personally I would prefer to have a little bit of time to get used to the idea that I won’t ever be able to lay eyes on my loved one again.  However, two months seems to be pushing it a little.  Where on earth was he for all that time?  Exactly where does one store the dead if you wait two months to bury them?  Do you have pay rent?  Are there utilities?  Too many questions.  And to be honest I don’t really care enough to find out the answers.  Just don’t wait two months, okay?

5. Monetary Compensation For Breaking News Tips.  That’s just gruesome!  Stop it.  It’s like getting paid to be one of those people who wave lanterns at runaway trains.  It’s getting monetary gain for someone else’s misfortune.  Cut it out.  Your momma probably didn’t raise you like that.

6. Teenagers.  Yeah, you know.  Nuff said.

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“Hate Crime” at North Carolina State University

November 14, 2008

After the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States, four unidentified students at North Carolina State University spray painted racist comments in the “Free Expression Tunnel.”  The students admitted to doing it and the university police, state and federal authorities have not charged the students with any crimes at this time.

However, students at the university are calling for a “Free Expression Tunnel Hate Crime Act” in order to prevent/punish actions of this kind in the future.  The NAACP are also calling for “Hate Crime” legislation.

I find this entire incident disturbing on several levels:

1. Does anyone else find it screamingly ridiculous for them to want to censor comments made in the “Free Expression Tunnel”? Name it the “Free Expression, But Only If You Agree With The Majority , Tunnel.”  What kind of idiot thought bitching about what was written in a tunnel with that name was a good idea?  If the tunnel is NOT for free expression, don’t name it that.

2. No one reporting on, commenting about, or involved with this stupidity has yet mentioned that elephant standing in the big, fat middle of the “Free Expression Tunnel.”

3. I dislike the entire idea of a “hate crime” being legislated differently than any other crime.  What this boils down to is that people want to legislate thought and feeling.  When a citizen of this country can be prosecuted for what they think, we have ceased to live in America. 

 What ever happened to agreeing to disagree?  Every time someone with a different point of view speaks out, people want to run to the legislature to have a law passed against it.  We have come to the point that we believe we have a right NOT to be offended by what we consider wrong thought. 

 Now, let me just say that I totally think that what was written was reprehensible.  It shows the ignorance, intolerance, and stupidity of the individuals involved.  That’s my personal opinion.  They wrote their personal opinion.  I, for one, don’t want to limit they’re ability to express their opinion because when I’m successful at doing that it opens the door for someone else to limit MY ability to express my opinion. I feel that I have that right because I still live in America (for now, anyway).  One of the foundations our country was built on was that of free speech for every citizen. 

I do like the NAACP’s idea of diversity training.  But, again, that’s just me.  If I choose to become an informed, educated, sensible human being then that’s my right.  If you choose to remain an ignorant ass, that’s your right.

I have a very personal reason for not wanting this kind of hatred to spread.  I wish people could get over the idea that the melanin levels in our skin mean something about our character.  That’s my own personal little pipe dream.  As long as we have people who’s self esteem is only raised by lowering someone else, we’ll have people who dog out others for whatever reason they can find.

I think we need to lose the Law Mongering mentality and grab a clue here.  Our new President-elect is a man of mixed race!  The majority of this nation elected him.  People will grouse and fuss and argue and bitch about him just like they have every other president we’ve ever had.  The Bush’s were dogged out because they were Texans.  President-elect Obama will get dogged out because he’s mixed.  Learn to live with it. 

One last thing:  Be careful what you wish for.  All of these laws that people want to make up concerning “hate crimes” can’t be implemented to cover only what YOU want them to mean.  Eventually each and every one of you who want them will be subject to them yourselves.  Then YOU will be the one who can’t say what you think or believe or feel. 

At that point you will no longer live in the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave”.

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