Thought For Food

Up to this point I have refrained from commenting on this situation.  Now the pressure to speak is about to blow my teeth right out of my mouth.  I think there are several points on which good old common sense is called for.

Let me begin by saying that the most important factor in this entire situation is the well being of all of Nadya’s children.  Period.  Their well being should be first and foremost in everyone’s mind.  They had no choice in their existence and should not be held responsible for, or pay the price for, anyone else’s decisions.

First:  Nadya made bad decisions.  We all know that and there is no argument about that as far as I can tell.  So, enough of the condemnation.  You can’t unring that bell.  Move on.

She obviously has issues in spades.  I don’t know much of anyone who wouldn’t when viewed through unyielding eye of the public.  The spectacular success of her last pregnancy isn’t one of them.  Yes, she was wrong to have the embryos implanted when she was obviously not able to care, by herself, for the six children she already had.  There were many other options available to her besides the implantation.  For example:  She could have used the money she spent having them implanted to store them for a longer time. 

You have to admit this one thing about it though: In no stretch of the imagination could anyone have thought that not only would all six implants take, but that two of them would split!  Add to that the fact that all eight survived and you have an astronomically cosmic coincidence.  She couldn’t have predicted the extent of that one bad decision.  No one could have.  I believe her when she said that she didn’t expect, based on her previous implants, that any of this would happen.

She needs help in a lot of areas.  However, that doesn’t make her a bad mother or a bad person.  That makes her a normal human being in abnormal circumstances.  Up until Gloria Allred and the Angels In Waiting team were removed from her house, I never heard anyone say she wasn’t a good mother.  Kids don’t care about anything except whether they are loved.  I believe her kids feel loved by her.  Yes I understand that kids need more than love, but these children aren’t going hungry or neglected.  By whatever means are being used, they are being taken care of. 

Second:  This audaciously presumptive idea there has to be “Total Transparency” in everything Nadya does.  That’s the biggest crock I’ve ever heard.  That was an idea I first heard spouted by Dr. Phil on his television show.  Usually I agree with Dr. Phil, but this time I think he’s full of it.  The last thing these children need is to have every moment of their lives debated by ignorant assholes with a media fetish  people who could care less about anything but themselves on national television day after day.  What they need is  “Total Privacy“.  That includes Dr. Phil and Gloria Allred!  Butt out!  Stop inserting yourselves into someone else’s life in order to get ratings and media attention.  The powers that be in her area are on it.  Let them do what they are supposed to do and stop trying to use her to get whatever you can for yourself out of it.

Third: Dr. Phil and Gloria Allred – I’m ashamed of both of you.  If your main concern was truly the welfare of these fourteen children, you would have quietly and without fanfare, gone to Nadya and offered her whatever help you could.  There was absolutely NO need for all of the shows done or all of the press conferences held in order to assist this mother.  I don’t blame Nadya for not wanting any of you around anymore.  If you were using me and mine the way you used her and hers, I wouldn’t want your greedy butts around me either!

Gloria Allred, what makes you think that you have a right to enter a private residence, uninvited, and then make them force you to leave?  You and your ladies could have just as easily set up a time and place away  from all the media AND THE CHILDREN you claim to want to protect, to have your little celebration, couldn’t you?  That should have been a private celebration away from the children.  The fact that you chose instead to insert yourself into someone’s private residence to do it, then make a big deal out of the fact that you had to leave is the perfect indication that your motives are less than altruistic.  Greed for the spotlight doesn’t look good on anyone, Gloria.  You should keep that in mind.

Fourth: Angels In Waiting – Your best bet would be to stop letting Gloria Allred blow smoke up your ass about how much good it would be for your organization to swoop in and “rescue” these eight preemies.  She did you NO favors.  It’s really NOT your place to “set boundaries” for a woman in her own home in regards to her own children.  The fact that you believe you have that right is frightening and speaks volumes about why you are no longer there.  Nadya’s decision to choose her own assistants seems to me a good first step towards getting a handle on what’s going on around her and her family.  “Total Transparency” is not good for her or her children.  NO one needs to try to live their life on a stage for the approval of the public.  That idea is ridiculous and dangerous, not the least reason being that the public will never approve.   And it’s not the public’s business!  What moron decided that it was?

Did it occur to any of you nice ladies that Nadya had MANY places to be every day?  She still needs to spend time with the four children who remain in the hospital, she has to spend time with the six older children every day, she has to supply food for them, she has to deal with the legal issues she now has.  IF she came home at midnight with Gap bags in hand, it is possible that midnight is the only time she HAS to shop for her children!  And regardless of whether YOU think it’s appropriate or not, she has to have a FEW moments for herself as well if she is to continue to try to care for her family.

Please, get away from Gloria “media hound” Allred.  Take a deep breath and relax.  Now, do you really think you came off well by going on a rant about the replacement of a leaking bathtub?  If she hadn’t replaced the bathtub you would have been having a fit about the unsanitary and unsafe conditions in the house……again.  You really can’t have it both ways.  Just accept the fact that it didn’t work out, you won’t come out of all this as the heros you saw yourselves being in the beginning, and let it go.  You’re embarassing yourselves by all this justification. 

Let your organization and it’s deeds speak for themselves and you’ll be fine.  I’m sure that in normal circumstances you are all fine and giving people. 

And…… on a view I have heard way too often lately by people who have the media spotlight:  Dr. Phil stated today that the legitimate press was too often quoting the internet and therefore reporting false information.      Dear God where do I start with that one? 

 1. It is the JOB of the “legitimate” media to check their facts before they report them!    If someone on the internet reported that Dr. Phil was a pedophile, wouldn’t it be the job of the “legitimate” press to check their facts before they reported it?  “I read it on the internet” isn’t really your best defence if you are “legitimate” press! 

Dr. Phil also stated that that is a “problem” with the internet, that anyone with a computer can say whatever they want to say!

2. Well DUH!  To quote YOU on your show today, “This is America!”  As far as I know, the right to free speech is still alive and well in America.  Just because you don’t agree, it doesn’t give you the right to condemn the rest of us for speaking OUR minds.  YOU do that too, Dr. Phil.  We’re not out here trying to get your show taken off the air just because you are so incredibly wrong in the way you dealt with Nadya Suleman!  OR because you make your living off the backs of desperate people who need help.  Now are we?  So you can take your dislike of the internet and those of us who speak our minds and stick it where the sun don’t shine. 

One last thing for those of you who believe that putting Nadya Suleman’s children in foster care:  You obviously have NO idea what you’re talking about.  I was awarded custody of  my grandchildren only after they spent eight months in foster care.  They were abused both emotionally and physically.  Their very blood was vilified because they had different fathers.  They were turned against each other in a way that was horrifying.  Only now, after nearly six years of weekly counseling, are they able to interact with each other in an almost normal way.  Survival instincts are very hard to undo.

The foster care mother they had no longer cares for children because, right after my grandchildren left her care, a child died.  Unattended in a bathtub.  So, unless you are going to personally guarantee the safety of these children, both physically and emotionally, STFU.  You can’t imagine the devastating effect of being wrenched from your natural parents.  No matter how bad their home was, it was home.  No matter how much you love and care for them you will never ever be their parents.  They will always long for the home they lost.  They will never feel that they totally belong.  They will always feel once removed.  Even when they understand that it was the best thing for them, you can’t take their longing for belonging away from them.  You can never take the shame of being removed from their parents away from them either. 

So, unless you feel that total emotional devastation is an acceptable price for these kids to pay for their mother’s bad decisions, please stop talking about it.  It will only hurt them when the person you really want to punish is their mother. 

I wish the best for Nadya Suleman and each and every one of her children.  So should everyone who professes to care for the welfare of those children.  And I hope that I don’t hear another word about her for a long, long time.