Sunsets…Or Life’s a Beach….Or Reminiscences…Or Sumpin

March 23, 2007

We grew up on the beach.  When you get right down to it, the place we grew up couldn’t have been better.  We could sit on our front porch in the barber chairs our dad put there(they were awesome!) and watch the sunset over Lake Michigan every night.  It was never the same and it never got old.  I don’t remember any of us just passing it by.  No matter how young.  We lived across the street from a playground that took up an entire block.  It had one house on one corner.  The rest of the block was playground.  It had two swing-sets, monkey bars, merry go round, sand box, 2 slides, parallel bars, baseball diamonds, basketball court, blooper-ball field(if you don’t know what blooper ball is, that’s another story altogether), horseshoe pits, shuffleboard courts, tether-ball poles, and last but certainly not least………the greenhouse. 

Now the greenhouse was  not the kind of greenhouse that you grow plants in.  It was literally a green cinderblock building.  It had a boys’ and a girls’ bathroom and a storage room.  In the storage room was kept tons of board games, craft supplies, balls, gloves, cards, toys.  All the things you would need to play at the park.  Each summer after school let out the Parks and Recreation Department hired teenagers to staff the neighborhood parks.  All the neighborhood kids came and “signed up”,  then each day they came and played at the park.  There was supervision by the hired teenager plus the older kids always looked after the younger ones.  We signed out whatever we were going to use at the time and signed it back in when we were done. There was a break in the middle of the day for lunch, and at the end of the day we went home.

We didn’t tear up the toys and equipment because if we did, we didn’t have anything to play with for the rest of the summer.  We didn’t fight with each other because all the kids in the neighborhood played there.  If we fought we couldn’t come back and we would end up spending our summer alone.  We took care of each other. 

Maybe part of it was that the town we grew up in was a tourist town.  It was a resort town with a marina.  One of those places where back in the day the wealthy would come and spend the summer months in a resort hotel.  Vast gingerbread buildings with Caribbean colors sitting on winding streets leading to the creamy sand beaches of Lake Michigan.  Water so clear and clean you can stand up to your neck in it and see your toes on the bottom. 

And cold!  Good God a’mighty!  I remember when we used to ride our bikes down to the pier in the morning to see what the water temperature was.  They posted the water temp and the flag color on the side of a building near the pier every day.  When the temp got up around 74 degrees, we were in heaven!  We considered it warm as toast then.  Can you imagine?  That glacial water, freezing cold.  We used to get so cold playing in it that we would have to come out and lay in the sun to warm up, just so we could get back in it again! 

The flags told you if it was safe to swim.  Green flag was safe, yellow flag meant be careful, and red flag meant there was an undertow.  Even when we were very young we never even considered going into the water when the red flag was up.  And if it was yellow flag, we just played at the park.    

Anyway, strangers were part of our lives.  There were always strangers around.  So we had to be aware.  Not frightened but attentive.  Not because strangers were a bad thing, but because strangers were our business.  They might need directions, or help or something.  We answered questions all day long.  Where is the park?  Where is the river?  Where is the beach?  Where is the marina?  Where is the pier?  Where is the lighthouse? 

I’ve never known anyone else in my life who could spend time with Amish kids, German kids, Mexican kids, Danish kids and American kids all at the same time in one afternoon and it be a normal thing.  We did that every day of every summer.  From the time we could talk, we could talk to anyone. 

Within a few blocks of our park there was a Catholic Church, a Baptist Church, a Methodist Church, and a Presbyterian Church.  We all played together at the park.  We all sang each others songs to jump-rope.  We asked each other questions about our religions.  The Catholic Priest showed horror movies and Little Rascals for free in the basement of the church on Saturday mornings.  I used to love to go to the Nunnery across the street from the Catholic Church and talk to the Sisters there.  They always looked so pretty in their habits.  We didn’t have anything like that at the Baptist Church. 

And bless their hearts, no matter how many times I came knocking on their door asking them questions, they were never rude to me and they never threw me out.  Not even the time that I asked Father Berger if his housekeeper was his wife.  *giggle*  It sure did cause an awful lot of agitation though! 

I noticed that the sisters wore wedding bands once and asked them about it.  And when they told me that they were married to Jesus, I asked them if I could see that big ol bed they had in there.  I figured it must be awful big to hold all those sisters and Jesus too!  After that, we talked to each other on the front porch. 

At the end of the summer, all of the parks in town would get together at our park for what was called the Penny Carnival.  It was an all day event.  Each park had several booths that they set up and for a penny you could do whatever was done at each booth.  You could go fishing, get a kiss(not very PC these days but back then it was still ok), you could do all kinds of fun things.  My favorite was the jewelry booth.  Not because I liked the jewelry booth itself, but because I liked going around to all the big houses along the beach road and asking all those nice old ladies if they had any old jewelry they would like to donate to the Penny Carnival.  I did it every year.  Now that I think about it, I believe that they would go out and buy costume jewelry and save it for me every year, because all those lonely old ladies would keep me at their houses for ages talking and having tea and cookies.  I would primp and hold my pinkie up like I saw on TV.  If I got a really nice piece of jewelry from one house, I would real quick like put it on before I got to the next house and pretend I was rich or something.  I’m pretty sure it was quite entertaining for those ladies to see me coming every year.  They probably couldn’t wait to see what was coming next!

The jewelry booth was a big hit every year at the Penny Carnival because it was pure profit.  It cost them nothing for me to go out gathering it up, and we sold all of it every year!  You could play games and win tickets that you could trade for prizes that were all set up on the bleachers.  There were things to eat, games to play, prizes to get!  It was all the good things rolled into one!  Everyone in town came to the Penny Carnival.  It was a combination of all the parks in town.  It was HUGE!  It was exciting!  It was festive!

The only bad thing about it was……it meant the end of summer.  It was the last thing we did before the greenhouses closed down. 

All that was left was walking on the beach, watching the sunset, spending the last days of summer squeezing every last drop of fun we could out of them.  Spinning on the porch in daddy’s barber chairs until midnight.  Drinking our homemade sodas that momma got us from the Jewel Tea man.  Laughing, picking on each other, singing songs to the eight track, making chalk Z’s on everything in sight with our ever so cool Zorro sword, riding our mini bike at night, climbing trees, jumping off the roof(don’t tell our mom about this one or she’ll whip us good!). 

When we talk about these things with each other now, I sometimes think that it’s halfway done to convince ourselves that it was really true.  Because it couldn’t possibly be that way now.  Nowhere in this world could it be that way now.  As Roland of Gilead said…..The world has moved on.


Hide and Go Seek

March 23, 2007

When we were growing up on Lake Michigan (and I mean ON Lake Michigan) the winters could get pretty bodacious.  Folks down here in the Carolinas look at me like I might be fibbing when I tell them that we used to ice skate on the roads to school.  It was true.  Up north they don’t scrape the roads down to bare concrete or asphalt like they do down south.  They level it off and get the loose stuff off and you put chains or snow tires on and drive careful. 

When the storms came in off the lake they came fast and furious, with nothing to stop them.  Our Aunt Carol and Uncle Jim lived at the top of a very steep hill out in the country.   Our parents and Carol and Jim used to spend a lot of time together when we were all kids.  They had kids close in age to all of us.  Our Cousin Billy was almost the same age as my older brother Steve.  Steve is 1 1/2 years older than me.  So we played together  a lot .  We were probably not older than 5-7 years old when this all happened. 

It was in the winter and a wonderful storm had sneaked up on us.  We kids loved it when this happened because it meant that maybe they “couldn’t get up the hill”.  That phrase is woven throughout my childhood in relation to Aunt Carol and Uncle Jimmy.  If they couldn’t get up the hill, they would spend the night and not go home until the next day!   Oh we were so excited!  Daddy and Uncle Jimmy drove out to the hill to see if they could get up it.  Thinking back on it, I believe they just went for show.  We all sat at the house, waiting for them to come back and tell us the news.  The longer it took for them to come home, the more excited we got! 

Sure enough, they crept back into the driveway and told us the good news!  They couldn’t get up the hill!  They would spend the night!  Time for a celebration!  We needed peanut butter crackers!  Now, when we were kids, crackers came MUCH bigger than crackers are now.  Crackers were the size of the whole box.  Four of today’s cracker squares put together into one giant square.  When you ate a cracker, you were really eating something!

So Steve, Billy, and I got crackers covered with peanut butter about an inch thick.  And we went upstairs to play hide and go seek.  The house we lived in had two stories and the upstairs had two rooms.  Steve and I shared a room, the room the stairs opened into.  Our parents had the other room.  Our room was a huge square and the stairs opened dead in the middle of the room.  Just to the left of the stairs, against the wall, was a huge armoire.  Giant, tall, with two doors that opened out to hang your clothes in.  Then around the room were the beds and dressers and such. 

It was dark upstairs.  But it was our house.  And Billy was it.  So Steve and I hid.  Billy counts to 100 and comes looking, all the while we’re all eating our peanut butter crackers.  Billy walks slowly around and around the upstairs looking, his voice getting more and more quivery.  Billy was always a big scairdy cat.  My legs are cramping.  I’m beginning to think Billy’s not really trying when all of a sudden there is a HUGE CRASH, A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM, FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY ANOTHER BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM, FOLLOWED BY MANY MANY MORE BLOODCURDINGSCREAMSBANGINGPOUNDINGSCREAMING.  I’m rooted to the spot.  Mothers and Fathers come pounding up the stairs yelling, screaming, turning on lights, checking bodies, floors, heads for blood, gaping wounds, etc. 

When it all calms down, it turns out that Steve got tired of waiting for Billy too, and decided it would be funny to jump out of the armoire and scare him.  Boy, did that work out well!  He screamed, Billy screamed, he screamed, Billy screamed, they both jumped, fell, screamed some more.  It was major bedlam with no damage.  Everyone calmed down and was standing there laughing and sighing with relief when Billy quietly asks, “Where’s my peanut butter cracker?” 

Everyone stops, looks at each other, looks around on the floor, and like it was choreographed, as one we all looked up at the ceiling.  And there, in all its four piece, one inch thick glory, sticks Billy’s peanut butter cracker!  In slow motion it begins to peel off, as if it was only waiting to be noticed.  It falls nicely down to the floor where Billy retrieves it, puts it in his mouth and walks downstairs to see what’s on TV.

*sigh* Good times.  Good times.


When Momma’s Hands Appeared On The End Of My Arms

March 22, 2007

I remember the first time I noticed my mother’s hands attached to the end of my arms.  It was quite a shock.  I couldn’t figure out what they were doing there.  I closed my eyes and opened them again, and sure enough, they were still there! 

What were my mother’s hands doing on the end of my arms?  Strangely enough, they were doing all the same things they always did, only now they were doing them for MY daughter instead of hers.  They were brushing her hair, drying her tears, bandaging skinned knees, clapping at school plays, helping with homework, sewing Halloween costumes, hugging her goodnight, teaching her to swim, and just giving her encouragement.

It was very comforting to have them there.  Like they knew what they were doing.  And sometimes when I looked in the mirror it was like having Momma there with me, helping me do my makeup or helping me with my hair.

I guess it can be a bad thing when you realize that you have “grown up”, but for me it was a comfort.  It was finally time to stop being rebellious and start being who I was supposed to be.  Who I really wanted to be all along.  No more having to come up with a reason to be mad.  No more having to figure out a way to be contrary.  No more having to be surly.  No more being angry at my mom for no good reason.  I finally got to just LIKE her!  YIPPEE!!!  I get to want to be with my mom now!!!  WHEW!

I was in my mid twenties when my mother’s hands appeared on the end of my arms.  My mother came to my attention as a separate human being from me when she was that age, and I paid special attention to everything about her at that point.  My mom will forever be in her mid twenties in my eyes. Those awful years between childhood and momma’s hands were miserable.  As soon as I got momma’s hands, I was fine.  She was  back with me again and things were as they should be.  I’ve never asked anyone before but is this the way it works?  Or is it just me?


Odd Things You Say If You Are Raising Kids, Updated, one mo gin

March 20, 2007

Here are a few odd things you might find yourself saying if you are raising kids:

No, it is NOT ok to paint the dog blue!

Who, exactly, decided to use MY razor to shave the cat???

Why is the cheese in the silverware drawer?  (This one was actually my doing, but I still maintain that the only reason I put it there was because they were driving me crazy)

How long has the dog been on the porch in this dress?  (insert sad amount of time here) No, she doesn’t like the dress!  Every time she tries to walk she steps on the dress and it chokes her! 

WHO PUT THE DOG ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR????? WELL, YOU TELL “I DON’T KNOW”  TO GET HER DOWN NOW!!!!!! (And people wonder why small dogs shiver!)

Why are your sisters good shoes on the roof?

Where are your eyebrows????? (This one was actually fun, after the initial shock wore off.  The next day was a school day.  So we drew some on with eyebrow pencil. Much fun was had by all in the process.  We also gave him a fu manchu when we practiced the night before.  But, I digress.  He went to sleep on the bus the next morning and one of his eyebrows kinda got stuck to his arm…….DUDE!  DUDE!!! YER EYEBROW FELL OFF!!!  LOLOLOL)  That one never gets old.

Um, honey?  What is that purple circle around your mouth and nose?  (Turns out she was sucking all the air out of a plastic cup to see if it would stick to her face, and she did a really, REALLY good job of it!)

Do I look stupid to you? ( I actually lost my mind and asked my daughter this.  She never said a word.  Just cocked her eyebrow at me as if to say…..”um….YES!”  I was immediately on the floor laughing, no longer angry, and so proud of that little rascal that I almost exploded! )

What were you doing with my toothbrush in the bathtub????  Followed quickly by….WHY did you stick all the toothbrush heads together????????? OH MY GOD!!!!!   *shudder*

Um, if you leave that Ace bandage around your neck for much longer your head will fall off, you know that, right??

Ok, from now on, the dog is no longer allowed to play hide and seek with you!……..Because the oven is NO place for a dog to be left accidentally, that’s why!

Who froze the thermometer in the ice cube tray?????

*Sigh* No, you can’t duct tape your sister to the ceiling fan.

GET THIS FROG OUT OF THE BLENDER RIGHT NOW!

For the last time, the microwave does NOT dry your clothes faster than the clothes dryer.

Honey, help me on this one.  The kids are outside twirling each other in circles like a jumprope in the hammock.  While it seems like a rip roaring good time, it also seems likely to end up with someone’s head busting open like a ripe watermelon.  Should I tell them to stop or just let them take their chances?  ( I get really tired sometimes and need help making what seem like pretty obvious decisions later on.)

Why are there so many blue trees in the woods outside of our house?  And also, while I’m on the subject, why do so many of them seem to be named Becky?

Honey?  Can that puppy walk or is there something wrong with it?  Because it’s feet haven’t touched the ground one time since it got up here on the hill, and I was just wondering.  (the kids carried it around all the time)

Two things: 1. No, you cannot have a pet snake, and B. If you did have a pet snake you most certainly could NOT keep it in the hen house!

Bella!  If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times!  You can’t teach dogs gymnastics!  She will never be able to do a cartwheel!  STOP SPINNING HER LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW!  *sigh* no, they can’t do splits either.

I’m not even going to ask who did it.  All I’m saying is this.  The next time I find a dog asleep in the back seat of my truck WITH a pillow and blanket!, someone is going to be grounded until their kids are 30 years old, got it?????

That was really very nice of you to bring me the very first tiny tomato to show me.  It’s neat, huh?  Here’s the thing:  Now it won’t have a chance to grow into a big shiny red tomato.  Why?  Well, because you killed it by pulling it off the freakin vine, that’s why.  No, no.  I’m not mad.  It’s ok.  We’ll have more.  Will you do me a favor though?  Don’t bring me the whole plant next time, ok?  Just call me and I’ll walk outside and look at it with you OUT THERE.  (insert maniacal, excruciatingly difficult smile here)

Why is all the gravel under the carport raked up in a huge pile?  (Bella wanted to start a rock collection and she really thinks big!)

Please, please, please don’t play hide and seek with the dogs anymore.  They don’t understand the rules, they can’t count to 100 and they don’t know how to get out of the trash can because THEY DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t make me tell you one more time NOT to lock your sister in the dog pens!

New rule: No scuba diving in the pond.  No teaching your sister to scuba dive in the pond.  And for future reference, dogs do not know how to use a snorkel!

Please take the suitcase full of rocks out of the house.  Thank you.

Betcha won’t do THAT again!  (this was foolishly said by me the FIRST time Buddha got one of those teeny tiny rubber bands they make for braces stuck on his big toe and it turned purple)

Mousetraps are not, I repeat, NOT toys!

Dogs don’t wear rings.  No, not even earrings.  Does she look like she feels pretty?

Bella…BELla…BELLA!!!!!  Do not put that dog on top of the monkey bars!  …….Because, at the risk of repeating myself, dogs do not have opposable thumbs and he can’t hang on!  Um…he doesn’t like the slide either, he told me so!

No, Buddha, I will not send your sister to a group home and leave my husband so that you can go live in an apartment in town!  Yer a country boy now, learn to live with it. Sheesh

No, the dishwasher is NOT good for washing shoes!  Remove them.  NOW!

Your bicycle helmet is NOT for the dog to wear.  No, they don’t make knee pads for them. 

Just out of curiosity, did it occur to you at any time while you were climbing up there that you would eventually have to come down?

No, for the last time, hitting someone because you think they are planning to hit you is NOT called self defense!  And by the way, when I said use your words instead, I didn’t mean THOSE words, and you know it!

I can honestly say that I have no idea if tye dye will come out of the dog.  *sigh*  Poor thing…..but yea, he is really pretty that way.  Yes, I guess dog hair is a natural fabric.  I’ve never looked at it that way.

We won’t go into those things you wonder about but are too terrified to ask, like……wonder why I haven’t seen the hamster in a while, and what is this hairy goop floating around in the big jar???  *gulp*


Free Stuff for Kids

March 19, 2007

My mom talks to me all the time about the Kim Komando radio show.  She swears by her.  Loves the woman.  I’ve never heard her.  But it’s my mom, right?  So when I was ranting to her on the phone the other night about my grandson’s frenzy to be on My Space with all his friends at 12 years old, she told me to check out Kim Komando’s web site because she had some links to sites like My Space that were for kids his age.

Needless to say I hauled freight over to the Komando site (cool name by the way) and sure enough she had the links to several sites for tweens.  One of them might just be the ticket.  Not too kiddie-fied, yet not too pervo friendly either.  We’ll have to see if it gets the tween stamp of approval.  I’ll have to play my cards right and see if I can be just hesitant enough to make it seem appealing to him.  It sounds so underhanded doesn’t it?  But it seems like half the draw to them is that we hate it so much.

Anyway, after I did my parental duty, I was free to browse around.   Her sight has beaucoup other links and references.  So many free widgets it makes your head spin.  Loads of free stuff for kids.  Cool web sites to visit!  It’s an all around great site.  If you have a couple of hours with nothing to do and you don’t feel like wasting them, visit this site.   One word of advice before you go…….clean out your favorites first, you’re going to need the room!  😉 

This is a link to the Kim Komando website Komando.com

Way cool website with awesome links to other sites, free widgets, and some great stuff for kids like links to homework help pages, tween chat pages, etc.  Check it out. 


Brothers

March 19, 2007

I have three brothers.  One older and two younger.  I love my brothers.  Don’t get me wrong.  We fought like cats and dogs when we were coming up.  If there was a mean thing that could be done, we did it to each other.  As the only girl, I learned to be fast and mean.  I will never be able to thank them enough for that!  The lessons I learned have served me well in my life. 

There is a strength you get from brothers that stands in the background of your life.  It gets embedded in your psyche in infancy and it never goes away.  You know throughout your life in every bad situation that comes about, that all you have to do is make a call and you have backup.  Even if you don’t use it, you know it’s there.  There is a strength in that knowledge that will get you through even the toughest situations.

If you have brothers you are never alone.  If you have brothers you are never weak.  If you have brothers you will never be homeless.  If you have brothers you will never starve.  If you have brothers you will always be understood.  If you have brothers you will always have support. 

On the other hand if you have brothers you will always be dogged out when you cry.  When you have brothers you will be teased if you don’t keep up.  If you have brothers you will get your hair pulled.  If you have brothers you will get skinned knees. 

If you have brothers you will have the best forts EVER!  If you have brothers you will have the best friends ever.  If you have brothers you will have the best prom dates ever.  If you have brothers you will have ……… brothers!

Brothers rules!  I wouldn’t trade my brothers for anything.  They each have something that I need.  They each have something that no one else on the face of the earth could give me.  I need each one of them.  I always have. They are as different as any three random people on the street.  And yet they are the same.  They surround me in my heart and in my mind every day.  They are a major part of the foundation that I am built on.  Without my brothers I would be less than I am.  With them I am limitless.

In loving memory of Norman Edward Haus… My Brother… Always

Not in my sight but always in my heart, mind and soul.


OPC – Raising Other People’s Children

March 18, 2007

I’m forty nine years old.  Almost fifty.  I have one older brother and two younger brothers.  The younger brother closest in age to me is seven years younger.  Needless to say I babysat alot when I was young.  I have one natural child.  I gave birth to her one month after I turned eighteen.  That was exactly one year and one month after I left home. 

I met my second husband when my daughter was sixteen.  He had a two year old daughter.  I started over again just when I was about to be done raising my own daughter.  We had custody of her and I ended up adopting her. 

When she turned fifteen my two living grandchildren came to live with us.  Again, just as I was almost done raising my second daughter, I started over again with a five year old and a ten year old.

I have been raising other peoples’ children almost all of my life.  Granted, this was my choice.  Each time it was my own choice.  As much as you can call it that.  I could not have lived with myself if I had done anything else.  And I wanted to do it.  

 I love my husband.  I loved him from the start.  The minute I first laid eyes on his daughter I fell in love with her.  She was nothing like my own daughter but I loved her with the same full heart that I loved my own daughter with.  When I signed the adoption papers I was so happy I can’t begin to describe it. 

And my grandchildren are every other beat of my heart.  The sun rises and sets on my family.  I love every one of their faces.  My arms ache to hug them.  My eyes are hungry for the sight of them whenever they aren’t there.  I miss their smell when I’m away from home.  My ears long for their voices .

And not one of them wants to see me in the morning.  Not one of them wants to hear my voice.  Not one of them wants me to touch them.  Every one of them wishes I was someone else.  Every one of them thinks that their life would have been better if I wasn’t in it.  Every one of them believes that if it weren’t for me they would be happily living with their natural parents where they long to be every minute of every day.  Every one of them wishes that I would disappear.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the words “I hate you” in a day I’d make more money than God.  If I got paid every time someone said to me that “You’re not my mom” I’d be able to retire to my own island in the south pacific right now and never have to lift a finger again.  If I got a dime for every time I was accused of ruining their life by taking them away from their parents,  Bill Gates would look like a homeless bum compared to me!  If I got a penny for every day that they smiled until the very second they walked into the door after school, I could live the rest of my life on what I made this year alone.

It’s hard to think that you spend every day trying to give love, stability, grounding, a good foundation for the future, good self esteem, a good family environment and all the other things that come along with living in a solid family, to kids and that they hate you for it and wish you were someone else.

On the other hand, I don’t worry about where they are at night.  I don’t worry if they are getting anything to eat.  I know they aren’t being harmed by anyone.  I know that they are being fed, and clothed and housed and loved and encouraged and helped and counseled.  I know that they are healthy and confident.  And except for me, they are happy people.

When you consider the alternatives, that’s enough.

Please read my second post on this same subject.