Hide and Go Seek

March 23, 2007

When we were growing up on Lake Michigan (and I mean ON Lake Michigan) the winters could get pretty bodacious.  Folks down here in the Carolinas look at me like I might be fibbing when I tell them that we used to ice skate on the roads to school.  It was true.  Up north they don’t scrape the roads down to bare concrete or asphalt like they do down south.  They level it off and get the loose stuff off and you put chains or snow tires on and drive careful. 

When the storms came in off the lake they came fast and furious, with nothing to stop them.  Our Aunt Carol and Uncle Jim lived at the top of a very steep hill out in the country.   Our parents and Carol and Jim used to spend a lot of time together when we were all kids.  They had kids close in age to all of us.  Our Cousin Billy was almost the same age as my older brother Steve.  Steve is 1 1/2 years older than me.  So we played together  a lot .  We were probably not older than 5-7 years old when this all happened. 

It was in the winter and a wonderful storm had sneaked up on us.  We kids loved it when this happened because it meant that maybe they “couldn’t get up the hill”.  That phrase is woven throughout my childhood in relation to Aunt Carol and Uncle Jimmy.  If they couldn’t get up the hill, they would spend the night and not go home until the next day!   Oh we were so excited!  Daddy and Uncle Jimmy drove out to the hill to see if they could get up it.  Thinking back on it, I believe they just went for show.  We all sat at the house, waiting for them to come back and tell us the news.  The longer it took for them to come home, the more excited we got! 

Sure enough, they crept back into the driveway and told us the good news!  They couldn’t get up the hill!  They would spend the night!  Time for a celebration!  We needed peanut butter crackers!  Now, when we were kids, crackers came MUCH bigger than crackers are now.  Crackers were the size of the whole box.  Four of today’s cracker squares put together into one giant square.  When you ate a cracker, you were really eating something!

So Steve, Billy, and I got crackers covered with peanut butter about an inch thick.  And we went upstairs to play hide and go seek.  The house we lived in had two stories and the upstairs had two rooms.  Steve and I shared a room, the room the stairs opened into.  Our parents had the other room.  Our room was a huge square and the stairs opened dead in the middle of the room.  Just to the left of the stairs, against the wall, was a huge armoire.  Giant, tall, with two doors that opened out to hang your clothes in.  Then around the room were the beds and dressers and such. 

It was dark upstairs.  But it was our house.  And Billy was it.  So Steve and I hid.  Billy counts to 100 and comes looking, all the while we’re all eating our peanut butter crackers.  Billy walks slowly around and around the upstairs looking, his voice getting more and more quivery.  Billy was always a big scairdy cat.  My legs are cramping.  I’m beginning to think Billy’s not really trying when all of a sudden there is a HUGE CRASH, A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM, FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY ANOTHER BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM, FOLLOWED BY MANY MANY MORE BLOODCURDINGSCREAMSBANGINGPOUNDINGSCREAMING.  I’m rooted to the spot.  Mothers and Fathers come pounding up the stairs yelling, screaming, turning on lights, checking bodies, floors, heads for blood, gaping wounds, etc. 

When it all calms down, it turns out that Steve got tired of waiting for Billy too, and decided it would be funny to jump out of the armoire and scare him.  Boy, did that work out well!  He screamed, Billy screamed, he screamed, Billy screamed, they both jumped, fell, screamed some more.  It was major bedlam with no damage.  Everyone calmed down and was standing there laughing and sighing with relief when Billy quietly asks, “Where’s my peanut butter cracker?” 

Everyone stops, looks at each other, looks around on the floor, and like it was choreographed, as one we all looked up at the ceiling.  And there, in all its four piece, one inch thick glory, sticks Billy’s peanut butter cracker!  In slow motion it begins to peel off, as if it was only waiting to be noticed.  It falls nicely down to the floor where Billy retrieves it, puts it in his mouth and walks downstairs to see what’s on TV.

*sigh* Good times.  Good times.


When Momma’s Hands Appeared On The End Of My Arms

March 22, 2007

I remember the first time I noticed my mother’s hands attached to the end of my arms.  It was quite a shock.  I couldn’t figure out what they were doing there.  I closed my eyes and opened them again, and sure enough, they were still there! 

What were my mother’s hands doing on the end of my arms?  Strangely enough, they were doing all the same things they always did, only now they were doing them for MY daughter instead of hers.  They were brushing her hair, drying her tears, bandaging skinned knees, clapping at school plays, helping with homework, sewing Halloween costumes, hugging her goodnight, teaching her to swim, and just giving her encouragement.

It was very comforting to have them there.  Like they knew what they were doing.  And sometimes when I looked in the mirror it was like having Momma there with me, helping me do my makeup or helping me with my hair.

I guess it can be a bad thing when you realize that you have “grown up”, but for me it was a comfort.  It was finally time to stop being rebellious and start being who I was supposed to be.  Who I really wanted to be all along.  No more having to come up with a reason to be mad.  No more having to figure out a way to be contrary.  No more having to be surly.  No more being angry at my mom for no good reason.  I finally got to just LIKE her!  YIPPEE!!!  I get to want to be with my mom now!!!  WHEW!

I was in my mid twenties when my mother’s hands appeared on the end of my arms.  My mother came to my attention as a separate human being from me when she was that age, and I paid special attention to everything about her at that point.  My mom will forever be in her mid twenties in my eyes. Those awful years between childhood and momma’s hands were miserable.  As soon as I got momma’s hands, I was fine.  She was  back with me again and things were as they should be.  I’ve never asked anyone before but is this the way it works?  Or is it just me?


Free Stuff for Kids

March 19, 2007

My mom talks to me all the time about the Kim Komando radio show.  She swears by her.  Loves the woman.  I’ve never heard her.  But it’s my mom, right?  So when I was ranting to her on the phone the other night about my grandson’s frenzy to be on My Space with all his friends at 12 years old, she told me to check out Kim Komando’s web site because she had some links to sites like My Space that were for kids his age.

Needless to say I hauled freight over to the Komando site (cool name by the way) and sure enough she had the links to several sites for tweens.  One of them might just be the ticket.  Not too kiddie-fied, yet not too pervo friendly either.  We’ll have to see if it gets the tween stamp of approval.  I’ll have to play my cards right and see if I can be just hesitant enough to make it seem appealing to him.  It sounds so underhanded doesn’t it?  But it seems like half the draw to them is that we hate it so much.

Anyway, after I did my parental duty, I was free to browse around.   Her sight has beaucoup other links and references.  So many free widgets it makes your head spin.  Loads of free stuff for kids.  Cool web sites to visit!  It’s an all around great site.  If you have a couple of hours with nothing to do and you don’t feel like wasting them, visit this site.   One word of advice before you go…….clean out your favorites first, you’re going to need the room!  😉 

This is a link to the Kim Komando website Komando.com

Way cool website with awesome links to other sites, free widgets, and some great stuff for kids like links to homework help pages, tween chat pages, etc.  Check it out. 


Brothers

March 19, 2007

I have three brothers.  One older and two younger.  I love my brothers.  Don’t get me wrong.  We fought like cats and dogs when we were coming up.  If there was a mean thing that could be done, we did it to each other.  As the only girl, I learned to be fast and mean.  I will never be able to thank them enough for that!  The lessons I learned have served me well in my life. 

There is a strength you get from brothers that stands in the background of your life.  It gets embedded in your psyche in infancy and it never goes away.  You know throughout your life in every bad situation that comes about, that all you have to do is make a call and you have backup.  Even if you don’t use it, you know it’s there.  There is a strength in that knowledge that will get you through even the toughest situations.

If you have brothers you are never alone.  If you have brothers you are never weak.  If you have brothers you will never be homeless.  If you have brothers you will never starve.  If you have brothers you will always be understood.  If you have brothers you will always have support. 

On the other hand if you have brothers you will always be dogged out when you cry.  When you have brothers you will be teased if you don’t keep up.  If you have brothers you will get your hair pulled.  If you have brothers you will get skinned knees. 

If you have brothers you will have the best forts EVER!  If you have brothers you will have the best friends ever.  If you have brothers you will have the best prom dates ever.  If you have brothers you will have ……… brothers!

Brothers rules!  I wouldn’t trade my brothers for anything.  They each have something that I need.  They each have something that no one else on the face of the earth could give me.  I need each one of them.  I always have. They are as different as any three random people on the street.  And yet they are the same.  They surround me in my heart and in my mind every day.  They are a major part of the foundation that I am built on.  Without my brothers I would be less than I am.  With them I am limitless.

In loving memory of Norman Edward Haus… My Brother… Always

Not in my sight but always in my heart, mind and soul.


OPC – Raising Other People’s Children

March 18, 2007

I’m forty nine years old.  Almost fifty.  I have one older brother and two younger brothers.  The younger brother closest in age to me is seven years younger.  Needless to say I babysat alot when I was young.  I have one natural child.  I gave birth to her one month after I turned eighteen.  That was exactly one year and one month after I left home. 

I met my second husband when my daughter was sixteen.  He had a two year old daughter.  I started over again just when I was about to be done raising my own daughter.  We had custody of her and I ended up adopting her. 

When she turned fifteen my two living grandchildren came to live with us.  Again, just as I was almost done raising my second daughter, I started over again with a five year old and a ten year old.

I have been raising other peoples’ children almost all of my life.  Granted, this was my choice.  Each time it was my own choice.  As much as you can call it that.  I could not have lived with myself if I had done anything else.  And I wanted to do it.  

 I love my husband.  I loved him from the start.  The minute I first laid eyes on his daughter I fell in love with her.  She was nothing like my own daughter but I loved her with the same full heart that I loved my own daughter with.  When I signed the adoption papers I was so happy I can’t begin to describe it. 

And my grandchildren are every other beat of my heart.  The sun rises and sets on my family.  I love every one of their faces.  My arms ache to hug them.  My eyes are hungry for the sight of them whenever they aren’t there.  I miss their smell when I’m away from home.  My ears long for their voices .

And not one of them wants to see me in the morning.  Not one of them wants to hear my voice.  Not one of them wants me to touch them.  Every one of them wishes I was someone else.  Every one of them thinks that their life would have been better if I wasn’t in it.  Every one of them believes that if it weren’t for me they would be happily living with their natural parents where they long to be every minute of every day.  Every one of them wishes that I would disappear.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the words “I hate you” in a day I’d make more money than God.  If I got paid every time someone said to me that “You’re not my mom” I’d be able to retire to my own island in the south pacific right now and never have to lift a finger again.  If I got a dime for every time I was accused of ruining their life by taking them away from their parents,  Bill Gates would look like a homeless bum compared to me!  If I got a penny for every day that they smiled until the very second they walked into the door after school, I could live the rest of my life on what I made this year alone.

It’s hard to think that you spend every day trying to give love, stability, grounding, a good foundation for the future, good self esteem, a good family environment and all the other things that come along with living in a solid family, to kids and that they hate you for it and wish you were someone else.

On the other hand, I don’t worry about where they are at night.  I don’t worry if they are getting anything to eat.  I know they aren’t being harmed by anyone.  I know that they are being fed, and clothed and housed and loved and encouraged and helped and counseled.  I know that they are healthy and confident.  And except for me, they are happy people.

When you consider the alternatives, that’s enough.

Please read my second post on this same subject.