Haircuts

March 25, 2007

OK, let me preface this by saying that I might be just a little bit nuts.  Maybe more than just a little bit.  Maybe a lot.  Maybe a whole lot.  And maybe not just maybe.  It’s pretty much a well know fact. 

And I don’t like getting my hair cut.  I don’t like it at all.  It’s been so long since I got my hair cut that it’s gone out of style, back in style, out, in, out, and back in again.  Then it stopped being a style. 

When I got older I started pulling it up in a pony tail.  Not only did that get it out of my eyes and off of my neck, but it also had the added extra benefit of pulling those pesky wrinkles  laugh lines out of my face.  (This is also the reason I’m fat…..it fluffs out my face and smooths out those um……grooves) 

Well, I have recently become able to dye my hair again – another story altogether.   I always maintained that when I started to go grey no one would ever again see my natural hair color.  Did you know that hair dye doesn’t cover grey hair?  Me either!  (insert sad face here)  But the red dye worked out well and my dearest husband said that it suited my personality.  I chose to take that as a compliment about my spunky personality as opposed to a not so complimentary remark about my admitted tendency towards bitchiness. 

So, I dyed my hair red.  Then I hated the way it looked.  Not the color, but the fact that it looked the same as always.  It’s spring.  I feel kinda good.  Sap is rising in the trees, buds are popping out on the branches, and I wanted a change.  So I completely lost my mind – not a really large stretch here – popped out my trusty scissors, and started to destroy my hair.  Did a bang up job of it too!  Looked pretty much like most of the Barbie dolls laying around the house.  Except I have both legs and arms and I wasn’t naked.  I was laying abandoned on the floor for a while, but then I got up and put what was left of my hair back up in a hair-bow and debated on whether or not I could wait out the time it would take for it to grow back out. 

Not really.  It was pretty bad.  Even for me.  So I did what I usually do when I make a REALLY bad decision about something that I can’t take back.  I sat on it for about 2 weeks and let it stew.  Not my head, just the decision about what to do.  Although if I had sat on my head in the first place I wouldn’t have been in this pickle!  But that is neither here nor there.  I’m just not that limber anymore anyway. 

So for 2 weeks I kept telling myself and everyone else that I did it on purpose.  (yall knew I didn’t.  We’ve met.  You know me better than that.)  And I had to tell myself that I was going to have to get my hair cut.  Took me that whole 2 weeks and a couple of false starts to actually get it done.  Chickened out twice. 

Finally my dearest husband tricked me into going to Lowe’s with him and then kinda lulled me into the salon.  He knows how to work me sooo well!  I would be so pathetic without him.  Bless that poor stylists heart!  The look of shock on her face was priceless.  But she was totally up to the challenge.  I won’t even fault her for telling me that I really “gakked up my head”.  Gakking was the least of what I did to it.  She actually told me that I would have been better off letting my dearest husband cut it!  Little did she know how right she was. 

So I sucked up the fussing she gave me.  I let her cut lots and lots and lots of my hair off.  I felt naked and vulnerable.  And none of it was in the fun way either.  But when it was all said and done, it’s the first haircut I’ve ever had in my life that I liked when I walked out the door.  And I don’t even feel bad about having to promise not to tell anyone who did it until we get it fixed for real. 

Now,  if I could just do something about this spare tire I have………

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When Momma’s Hands Appeared On The End Of My Arms

March 22, 2007

I remember the first time I noticed my mother’s hands attached to the end of my arms.  It was quite a shock.  I couldn’t figure out what they were doing there.  I closed my eyes and opened them again, and sure enough, they were still there! 

What were my mother’s hands doing on the end of my arms?  Strangely enough, they were doing all the same things they always did, only now they were doing them for MY daughter instead of hers.  They were brushing her hair, drying her tears, bandaging skinned knees, clapping at school plays, helping with homework, sewing Halloween costumes, hugging her goodnight, teaching her to swim, and just giving her encouragement.

It was very comforting to have them there.  Like they knew what they were doing.  And sometimes when I looked in the mirror it was like having Momma there with me, helping me do my makeup or helping me with my hair.

I guess it can be a bad thing when you realize that you have “grown up”, but for me it was a comfort.  It was finally time to stop being rebellious and start being who I was supposed to be.  Who I really wanted to be all along.  No more having to come up with a reason to be mad.  No more having to figure out a way to be contrary.  No more having to be surly.  No more being angry at my mom for no good reason.  I finally got to just LIKE her!  YIPPEE!!!  I get to want to be with my mom now!!!  WHEW!

I was in my mid twenties when my mother’s hands appeared on the end of my arms.  My mother came to my attention as a separate human being from me when she was that age, and I paid special attention to everything about her at that point.  My mom will forever be in her mid twenties in my eyes. Those awful years between childhood and momma’s hands were miserable.  As soon as I got momma’s hands, I was fine.  She was  back with me again and things were as they should be.  I’ve never asked anyone before but is this the way it works?  Or is it just me?

6 Comments | Animals, Blogroll, Children, Cool, Crazy, Daily Life, Family, Funny, Health, Home, Humor, humour, Kids, life, Links, Random, Reminiscences, Seeing Red, Summer, Uncategorized, Whining, winter | Permalink
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Odd Things You Say If You Are Raising Kids, Updated, one mo gin

March 20, 2007

Here are a few odd things you might find yourself saying if you are raising kids:

No, it is NOT ok to paint the dog blue!

Who, exactly, decided to use MY razor to shave the cat???

Why is the cheese in the silverware drawer?  (This one was actually my doing, but I still maintain that the only reason I put it there was because they were driving me crazy)

How long has the dog been on the porch in this dress?  (insert sad amount of time here) No, she doesn’t like the dress!  Every time she tries to walk she steps on the dress and it chokes her! 

WHO PUT THE DOG ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR????? WELL, YOU TELL “I DON’T KNOW”  TO GET HER DOWN NOW!!!!!! (And people wonder why small dogs shiver!)

Why are your sisters good shoes on the roof?

Where are your eyebrows????? (This one was actually fun, after the initial shock wore off.  The next day was a school day.  So we drew some on with eyebrow pencil. Much fun was had by all in the process.  We also gave him a fu manchu when we practiced the night before.  But, I digress.  He went to sleep on the bus the next morning and one of his eyebrows kinda got stuck to his arm…….DUDE!  DUDE!!! YER EYEBROW FELL OFF!!!  LOLOLOL)  That one never gets old.

Um, honey?  What is that purple circle around your mouth and nose?  (Turns out she was sucking all the air out of a plastic cup to see if it would stick to her face, and she did a really, REALLY good job of it!)

Do I look stupid to you? ( I actually lost my mind and asked my daughter this.  She never said a word.  Just cocked her eyebrow at me as if to say…..”um….YES!”  I was immediately on the floor laughing, no longer angry, and so proud of that little rascal that I almost exploded! )

What were you doing with my toothbrush in the bathtub????  Followed quickly by….WHY did you stick all the toothbrush heads together????????? OH MY GOD!!!!!   *shudder*

Um, if you leave that Ace bandage around your neck for much longer your head will fall off, you know that, right??

Ok, from now on, the dog is no longer allowed to play hide and seek with you!……..Because the oven is NO place for a dog to be left accidentally, that’s why!

Who froze the thermometer in the ice cube tray?????

*Sigh* No, you can’t duct tape your sister to the ceiling fan.

GET THIS FROG OUT OF THE BLENDER RIGHT NOW!

For the last time, the microwave does NOT dry your clothes faster than the clothes dryer.

Honey, help me on this one.  The kids are outside twirling each other in circles like a jumprope in the hammock.  While it seems like a rip roaring good time, it also seems likely to end up with someone’s head busting open like a ripe watermelon.  Should I tell them to stop or just let them take their chances?  ( I get really tired sometimes and need help making what seem like pretty obvious decisions later on.)

Why are there so many blue trees in the woods outside of our house?  And also, while I’m on the subject, why do so many of them seem to be named Becky?

Honey?  Can that puppy walk or is there something wrong with it?  Because it’s feet haven’t touched the ground one time since it got up here on the hill, and I was just wondering.  (the kids carried it around all the time)

Two things: 1. No, you cannot have a pet snake, and B. If you did have a pet snake you most certainly could NOT keep it in the hen house!

Bella!  If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times!  You can’t teach dogs gymnastics!  She will never be able to do a cartwheel!  STOP SPINNING HER LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW!  *sigh* no, they can’t do splits either.

I’m not even going to ask who did it.  All I’m saying is this.  The next time I find a dog asleep in the back seat of my truck WITH a pillow and blanket!, someone is going to be grounded until their kids are 30 years old, got it?????

That was really very nice of you to bring me the very first tiny tomato to show me.  It’s neat, huh?  Here’s the thing:  Now it won’t have a chance to grow into a big shiny red tomato.  Why?  Well, because you killed it by pulling it off the freakin vine, that’s why.  No, no.  I’m not mad.  It’s ok.  We’ll have more.  Will you do me a favor though?  Don’t bring me the whole plant next time, ok?  Just call me and I’ll walk outside and look at it with you OUT THERE.  (insert maniacal, excruciatingly difficult smile here)

Why is all the gravel under the carport raked up in a huge pile?  (Bella wanted to start a rock collection and she really thinks big!)

Please, please, please don’t play hide and seek with the dogs anymore.  They don’t understand the rules, they can’t count to 100 and they don’t know how to get out of the trash can because THEY DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t make me tell you one more time NOT to lock your sister in the dog pens!

New rule: No scuba diving in the pond.  No teaching your sister to scuba dive in the pond.  And for future reference, dogs do not know how to use a snorkel!

Please take the suitcase full of rocks out of the house.  Thank you.

Betcha won’t do THAT again!  (this was foolishly said by me the FIRST time Buddha got one of those teeny tiny rubber bands they make for braces stuck on his big toe and it turned purple)

Mousetraps are not, I repeat, NOT toys!

Dogs don’t wear rings.  No, not even earrings.  Does she look like she feels pretty?

Bella…BELla…BELLA!!!!!  Do not put that dog on top of the monkey bars!  …….Because, at the risk of repeating myself, dogs do not have opposable thumbs and he can’t hang on!  Um…he doesn’t like the slide either, he told me so!

No, Buddha, I will not send your sister to a group home and leave my husband so that you can go live in an apartment in town!  Yer a country boy now, learn to live with it. Sheesh

No, the dishwasher is NOT good for washing shoes!  Remove them.  NOW!

Your bicycle helmet is NOT for the dog to wear.  No, they don’t make knee pads for them. 

Just out of curiosity, did it occur to you at any time while you were climbing up there that you would eventually have to come down?

No, for the last time, hitting someone because you think they are planning to hit you is NOT called self defense!  And by the way, when I said use your words instead, I didn’t mean THOSE words, and you know it!

I can honestly say that I have no idea if tye dye will come out of the dog.  *sigh*  Poor thing…..but yea, he is really pretty that way.  Yes, I guess dog hair is a natural fabric.  I’ve never looked at it that way.

We won’t go into those things you wonder about but are too terrified to ask, like……wonder why I haven’t seen the hamster in a while, and what is this hairy goop floating around in the big jar???  *gulp*

9 Comments | Animals, Children, Crack house humor, Crazy, Daily Life, Family, Funny, Funny Story, Humor, humour, Kids, laughter, life, Random, Thoughts, True Story, Uncategorized, Whining | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Permalink
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