Random Thoughts – April 22, 2008

April 23, 2008

The heathens have been out of school for the past two days.  They have technically been out for three days if you count Friday.  *sigh*  This leads me to thoughts of the summer coming up.  They have exactly thirty-one days of school left.  *sob*  That is not nearly enough.  I can tell by the past three days that summer will NOT be my favorite time of year.

One good thing that has come about recently is that The Buddha has decided to become a social butterfly.  What this means is that he is actually leaving the house of his own volition to go hang out with his friends.  He goes to the roller skating rink, the arcade, soccer games, etc.  (I’m not counting detention at school, that is a completely different animal)  I keep checking the top of his head for the little antenna that have to be there.  This is obviously a replacement Buddha. 

In the past, from the day he came to live with me, he has refused to leave home for any reason without a fight.  Now I can’t keep him home!  Who IS this kid and what did he do with the REAL Buddha??????  On the other hand, it gives Princess Bella some one-on-one time with me that she wouldn’t get otherwise.  Now, if he just manages to get through all of this without stomping the living crap out of my last nerve, we’ll all be happy.

 

I have seven puppies to give away.  PLEASE COME TAKE THEM!!!!!!!  Take two, they’re small!

Cute as a speckled pup!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder if Wally World would let me give them away in the parking lot?  They are darlins, but they are eating me out of house and home!  MDH said that every time he walks out of the house he looks like he’s wearing speckled puppy boots!  They gather around you every time you are within catching distance. 

 

My heart is broken in a bazillion pieces.  I gave away one of Dee Dee’s babies.  *sob*  Dot is now in a great home with three teenage girls who love her to pieces.  She must have been the Alpha puppy because ever since she left, the other babies are rambunctious hooligans!  They have chewed up three of the guitars for the Guitar Hero games.  MDH had to replace one cord and still has two more to go.  Sheesh.

They are cute as a button though.  Every once in a while you will see a tiny blur and when you look to see what it was, there they are, running like tiny bats out of hell around and around the coffee table just for the sheer joy of running.  They beat up the teeny tiny stuffed animal toys they have.  The funny part of that is that the toys are still way bigger than they are so when they shake them, they always fall over.  LOL  I love puppies, babies, and small kids.  They crack me up every time!

Dash is the little boy.  He’s my babykins.  He’s my replacement for Theo, who burned to death in the fire.  He will let me hold him like a baby and rub his tiny tummy.  He looks at me while I talk to him and he seems to understand.  He’s going to be my bud.  I’m going to teach him to ride in my truck with me.  And I’ll teach him to ride on the golf cart with me too.  He’ll like that.  He will find me where ever I’m at.  I have to be careful not to step on him while I’m cooking or doing other stuff in the kitchen.  He follows me everywhere. 

They like to go outside and play with the big puppies, but the big puppies scare them.  And MDH’s dog, Jeremiah, will herd them.  He puts his nose under them and rolls them to where he thinks they are safe.  He’s a mother hen with all the babies.  I think they make him feel like a big guy. 

They all try to chase the birds that feed at the feeders in the yard.  They are hilarious!  Luckily, I have a very low entertainment threshold.  Give me a few kids, some puppies and other small animals and I’ll be set!  I’m such a goon sometimes.  I tell myself it’s because I have the uncluttered mind of a child.  We won’t talk about the implications of that.  :p

The weather is getting warmer.  Time to put away all those pesky winter clothes.  Of course, as soon as I do that the weather will dip below freezing for a month!  But, I push the warm weather whenever I can.  The porch swing calls to me every day.  I love it out there.  The hummingbirds come visit me when I’m out there.  I love those little guys!

Okay, I’m sick of all this sweetness and light.  I’m going to bed.  Maybe I’ll have something worth saying later.

 

Butterflies on Azaleas

 

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Easter Bunny Slapstick

March 26, 2008

Broke Down Easter Egg                                                                                                                      

My kids are skeptics when it comes to holidays with XXL sized animals or even humans in velvet and patent leather outfits leaving them unearned gifts in the night.  This breaks my heart.  Aside from the fact that their disbelief means that they are getting older, which in turn means that I am therefore getting older as well, I really hate to see the end of their childlike wonder at the mystical and magical events of childhood.

This disappoints me mainly because, despite my hard assed nature, I am a child at heart.  (this could explain many, many things if you think about it)  I love the excitement, the anticipation, the wonder, that little bit of angst about whether it will really happen and the extreme relief and renewed belief that comes when it does happen.

So, in order to drag it out for just a bit longer, purely in self interest I assure you, I devised a plan.  We would trap the Easter Bunny in mid-delivery.  THAT would prove to them that said bunny really existed!  We set up a “string with noisy stuff attached to it” trap.  The bunny would get all caught up in it and we would have his fluffy ass! 

I get all tingly just thinking about it!  They were skeptical but I kept them going.  By the time I got done they were all vigilantied up and everything.  They were all ready to make Easter Bunny lined bedroom slippers if we got him. 

Come Easter morning, what they got was an Easter basket filled with all kinds of yummy edibles, cool toys, and this broken Easter egg that ( I explained) the Easter Bunny must have dropped while making his extremely skillful escape!  They didn’t care one whit that he escaped.  They loved the chase, they loved the baskets, they ate candy till their momma spit up, and it was all good. 

The picture is actually DeeDee’s new babies.  Put your ears on because I’m just about to ring my own bell here.  Her second baby was stuck.  She was exhausted with pushing and nothing was happening.  I was very worried about her so I decided to assist.  I pulled the stuck puppy a little bit and it popped lose and she was able to push it out the rest of the way by herself.  But she was remarkably uninterested in it.  She literally turned her back on it.  She wouldn’t pull the caul off of it or anything.  I knew that it only had a little bit of time before it would be too late so I took the caul off myself.  I put it in front of her and she finally chewed off the umbilical cord, but that was all she would do.  She refused it.  It wasn’t breathing.  I picked it up and gave it baby puppy CPR.  When it started breathing on its own I wrapped it in a cloth and took it to the other room and fed it warm sugar milk.  It loved that and when I decided that it had had enough, it started to cry.  DeeDee came running into the room and took her out of my hands, back to the birthing box, and has kept her and taken care of her ever since.  (DING DING DING)<——–My own bell ringing.

I named her Ditto.  The runt is a boy and his name is Dash.  The largest and last puppy born was also a girl and her name is Dot.  I had a thing for D’s that day.  In the top picture, from the left is Dot, Ditto and Dash. 

Everyone who sees the pictures of them tells Rocky and me that we have way too much time on our hands.  HA!  Not even!  But it was fun and we had a good time with it.   

                                                                                                                        imgp6302-copy.jpg  

Now I’m on chocolate overload……one of my favorite states of all time.  It’s my version of legal speed.  I like to take a hit about an hour before bedtime because the crash is a cheap and happy substitute for sleeping pills.  Win-Win.  The only possible drawback is the odd dreams I sometimes have of Willy Wonka.  But I don’t know you well enough to tell you about those. 

Sigh.  I love holidays that involve XXL animals that bring unearned gifts in the night!

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Let’s Catch Up

March 2, 2008

In case you haven’t noticed by now, I have a tendency to vanish occasionally.  Don’t despair!  I shall return.  This may or may not be a good thing.  I leave it up to you to decide.  I have my own doubts about that on occasion: Particularly when I wake up in the morning, stumble into the “library”, look into the mirror and scream because there is some strange elderly lady looking back at me from my eyes. 

If sleeping is supposed to be so darn good for me how come I always wake up looking like I’m just coming down off of a thirty day drunk?

Sometimes I wish I had been born rich instead of so damned good looking. lucky. with such a hot body. 

Sometimes I wish I had been born rich.

You know you live in the south if your heart gets blessed at least fifteen times a day.  

You definitely know you live in the south if someone can bless your heart in such a way that it makes you feel like smacking them in the mouth.  No one can be more ruthlessly kind than southern women.  A southern woman will invite you to dine in her home precisely because she hates you with a passion that exceeds her love of fried foods.  She will then be so drippingly kind and considerate of you that it will make your skin crawl. 

I stay home most of the time.  Luckily however, I am also rarely invited into the homes of southern women.  In the immortal words of Martha Stewart (a Yankee woman with a southern soul if ever there was one)…..That’s a good thing!

You know you live in a small, small, small southern town if every business on Main Street is closed on Wednesday but open on Saturday.  (The explanation for this is so that folks that work for a living can do their business on Saturday but the employees can still have two days off each week.  I know, right?)

The Buddha is an exceptionally accomplished driver for a young man of twelve years.  Living out here in the boonies is good for that.  He can drive all over the hill because it’s our property.  He will have all the wild oats out of his system by the time he gets his license and will be a safe responsible driver.  That’s the lie I’m telling myself.  Now shush up and don’t bust my bubble by telling me the truth. 

Princess Bella had us standing around with our mouths open like fly traps the other day when she sprang her latest hidden talent on us.  A gentlemen on some game show, probably Jeopardy, said the alphabet backwards.  As soon as he started doing it, she started doing it.  As soon as she started doing it I shushed her.  Then it soaked into my brain that she was actually doing it right.  I told her to do it again.  She did.  Turns out that the little jasper can spell anything, and I mean anything at all, backwards.  If she can spell it forwards, she can spell it backwards just as well.  And she can spell like a demon.  I’m in the process of teaching her to spell supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.  I can’t waitto hear her spell that one backwards!  Incidentally, I spelled that phonetically, so if I spelled it wrong, please let me know!  I’d rather hear it from you than have her find out that I taught it to her wrong, then have her roll her eyes at me.  You know what I mean?  I already went through that with the word “ablutions”.  I spelled it “abloutions”.  Lord, you would have thought I spit on the flag or something!  Cripes!

She has just been accepted into the Academically and Intellectually Gifted class at school.  She’s stoked.  Me too.  The kid’s got more intelligence in her pinkie than I have in my whole body.  Learning is one of her favorite hobbies!  One day when we were at the counseling center she was reading The Count of Monte Cristo to me.  She’s like having my own personal audio books.  Gradually all of the adults gravitated to the side of the waiting room we were on and sat down listening to her read.  She was so engrossed in the book that she didn’t notice them.  They thought she was a midget, not a seven year old kid.  I’m really jonesing for her to start on The Iliad and The Odyssey.  I think they’ll hold her interest. 

When we asked her how she learned to spell things backwards she told us that she just always knew it!  Duh!  I guess that was just a dumb question, huh?

Rocky is having a hard time adjusting to the far FAR more relaxed pace of country living.  She’s used to being able to hop in her car and be anywhere to do anything in fifteen minutes tops.  Here, it takes more than fifteen minutes to get to town!  Where she lived in Florida, it never got dark, it never shut down, it was never quiet, and there were always, always, always people in your line of sight.  Here, after the sun sets, it is totally dark until the sun comes back up again.  The stores and fast food joints shut down by eleven, and there is no one to see but us.  While in my own humble opinion we ain’t nuttin to throw rocks at, it is JUST the four of us here.  If she wants to see people, she has to do some traveling. 

Gee Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!

We have some births coming up.  Two of the dogs are pregnant.  SugarPlum is significantly pregnant.  She’s eating for twenty now.  Poor thing can’t even squat to pee without her belly dragging the ground.  DeeDee is also pregnant.  I’m not sure she knows what caused that, or what exactly that is.  She seems mystified by the changes her body is going through.  She is fat and clumsy.  She keeps trying to jump up onto the back of the chair I’m sitting in, then she can’t quite make it and she slips off.  Then she will stand there looking around like, “How the hell did I get here?  I’m supposed to be up there!”  It’s funny as hell and kinda pitiful at the same time.  I called her a tub of lard the other day and I swear she knew what it meant.  She got this hurt look on her face and lay down on the couch, then put both paws over her eyes.  I felt so bad I gave her people food to comfort her.  Now every time I turn around she is hiding her face and looking pitiful.  I think I got played. 

I have this little kink about birds.  I love em!  So I have all these bird feeders outside where I can watch the birds eat.  Did you know that birds are hogs?  Those little buggers can knock back some bird seed!  Last Saturday all the neighborhood kids were at our house playing.  We jammed with Guitar Hero.  His Highness The Buddha kicked our asses.  We played card games.  We played board games.  They ate me out of house and home like a plague of locusts.  They played on the swing-set out back.  Then they got pissy.  You know how kids are when they’ve been together for too long? 

I decided to make them be useful.  I got out the big ass bag of bird seed and let them help me refill all of the bird feeders.  Here’s a little math question for you!  Red has six kids at her house.  Each kid has two hands each.  Red has one big ass bag of bird seed.  Each kid puts two hands into the bag of birdseed in order to refill the bird feeders.  How much bird seed gets into the feeders?  Answer: Only fifty percent of the birdseed removed from the bag will actually make it to the feeders.  The balance will be smashed into someones face, dumped down someones back, tossed into someones hair, fed to the dogs, and tossed around on the ground for the birds to eat. 

So, this week every-time I look out the window all of my feeders are hanging around sans birds and the birds are on the ground munching on the seed the kids spilled.  WTF?  It’s a clear cut case of nature over nurture!  When the seed on the ground is gone they’ll go back to the feeders!  But holy crap the birds are beautiful!  I have blue ones, yellow ones, red ones, orange ones, and every combination in between.  My very favorite, most beloved non-hummingbird bird is the indigo bunting.  It is awesome!  It’s like those cars with the paint that changes colors.  It’s feathers change colors with every move it makes.  Google it.  The pictures are gorgeous. 

Which reminds me, I need to go to the Dollar store and pick up some after Christmas tinsel on sale and hang it up for the crows.  They are my totem animal.  And just like me, they are captivated by shiny objects.  I figure the tinsel is harmless and they will like it for building nests.  You know, just a lil bling bling for the crib. 

I’m planning on planting a small veggie garden in straw-bales this year.  It’s something new.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  And because we’re in a drought, I have to figure out a way to water the bales so that they aren’t so wasteful of water.  This water waste is a major downfall of the straw-bale system.  I have an idea.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’m planning on putting out tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, summer squash, and some gourds just for fun.  I already have a grape vine.  And of course the plum tree out front and a peach tree out back. 

I might have to start another blog on my veggies and fruits.  I’ll be busy with them.  I’m going to dry a lot of them.  String beans!  They are very easy to make into leather britches!  You take string beans after you have pulled them off the vine, wash and dry them, then take a needle and thread.  Make it a long, double thread just like you were going to sew something with it.  Then one by one you poke the needle through the string beans, in the middle of each one.  You leave enough string at the top to tie them to whatever you’re going to hang them from.  Hang them in a cool dry place until dry.  Then store in an airtight container until you are ready to use them. 

When you want to cook them, take down a string of leather britches, cut the knot off the bottom of the string, and pull the beans off.  Rinse well.  Soak in a bowl of cool water for about an hour.  Then place in a pot, cover with water and cook until tender.  Season to taste. 

Okay, now I’m hungry and it’s the middle of the night!  Sheesh!  Hmm, middle of the night and I’m still up.  I’m still up and on the computer and thinking about eating.  Could this have anything to do with the fact that I look like the bride of Frankenstein when I wake up in the morning?  Just another one of those questions that nag me in the middle of the night like: Why do tornadoes always touch down in trailer parks?  And who is the braille for at the drive through teller machine at the bank?  And is rehab really just for quitters?  And why don’t people eat turkey eggs?  You could get a whole damn pan of scrambled eggs with just three of those babies I bet!  And why don’t we grow wheat in the dividers of the interstates?

And last but certainly not least, now that I’m back, don’t you wish I had stayed away just a teensy bit longer? 

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Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

January 25, 2008

So, thanks to you all for my 15 minutes of fame.  It’s been heady stuff.  Now I’ll be all into the news looking for some more famous mysteries to solve.  I’ll have to get a Sherlock Holmes hat (I look really good in a hat), one of those ever so cool curvy pipes, and start talking all intelligent and stuff.  It’ll be great.

Then we’ll all sit around here talking about what’s not right with the latest case in the news.  We’ll sip brandy or sherry or port or whatever it is that mystery solvers sip while mystery solving.  We’ll smoke our pipes……….or we’ll light them and then let them go out and light them again which is what it seems to me that pipe smokers do.  Do we need smoking jackets?  Do they even make those anymore?  Yall rich folks can let me know this one.  What are smoking jackets for, anyway?  I never really understood the purpose of that particular garment.

I don’t have any wing-back chairs anymore.  I used to have one but it got burned up in the fire.  It would have been uncomfortable for more that a few of us to try to use it at one time anyway.  It was a fairly small wing back chair and a second hand one at that.  But it wasa wing-back so that counts. 

Maybe someone can invent a blowup wing-back for us.  Then it will be BYOWbC.  I think the blowup part would be implied.  We’ll solve the Black Dahlia case.  That should get us started out good.  Then we’ll be able to pick and choose our cases from there. 

I was listening to Starr Jones on truTV today, formerly known as Court TV, talking about a case in which two attorneys had a client whom they knew to be guilty of a murder.  Another man had been tried and convicted of that crime and was in prison for years on that conviction.  Due to the laws governing attorney/client confidentiality, they were not at liberty to say that this man was in fact NOT guilty of the crime he was in prison for.  The best they were allowed to do was secure from their guilty client a waiver saying that, in the event of his death, they had his permission to divulge his guilt of the murder and secure the release of the innocent man!  Their client eventually did die and they were allowed to release the information.  The innocent man is in the process of getting out of prison now. 

If the two attorneys had said anything at all about the innocent man being innocent before their client had died, they would have been disbarred and probably faced charges for it.  Isn’t that sad?  That doing the right thing to keep an innocent man out of jail would cost people their jobs and possibly send them to jail in the process?   Seems to me like they could have at least been released to say to the investigators or a judge or someone that the man being tried was not the man who committed the crime and that they needed to investigate further. 

However, I can see how that would be like telling on him.  It’s a catch 22 isn’t it?  I wouldn’t have wanted to be in the position of the two attorneys. 

Intyways, as The Buddha says, I just wanted to say thanks for the participation! 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch………

Rocky and I picked the heathens up from the bus stop the other day and took them with us to go shopping.  As we were riding back home we passed the house of one of Bella’s friends.  She calls out, “Hiiiiii Madison!!!!”   Rocky asks, “Does she live in the place with the lighthouse out front?”  Bella has her MP3 player in her ears and probably jacked up to the max, so she only hears part of what Rocky said.  Bella asks, “The lighthouse?” To which I answer, “Yes, the lighthouse out in the yard.”  Bella replies, “Um, NO, Gramma Toe, she doesn’t live in that little lighthouse, she lives in the great big house behind it!”  Then she proceeds to roll her eyes like Rocky has lost her ever lovin mind. 

Now, Rocky and I have possibly the lowest humor threshold on record.  We can be found laughing at almost anything.  The idea that Bella thought that WE thought that her friend was small enough to live in a decorative, four foot high light house that sits on the lawn just had us tickled to no end.  We giggled and snickered and laughed.  We couldn’t even look at each other for hours because every time we did we would collapse in giggles and we couldn’t function. 

And it didn’t help that earlier, after Bella had gotten off her bus but while we were waiting for The Buddha’s bus to get home, she had caught us with another unexpected visual. 

We have a little saying around here when someone passes gas:  Oops!  I stepped on a frog!  Over time we have expanded on this theme with: Oops!  I swallowed a frog!  for when someone burps. 

Well, the kids love this!  And of course being MY grand-kids, they just ain’t right to begin with, so they’ve thought about this a lot.  And Bella is a very visual child.  She comes by this honestly. 

So, we’re waiting for The Buddha’s bus to come rolling down the road and someone who shall remain nameless, but who isn’t me and isn’t Bella, burped.  Bella pipes up with, “Dang Gramma Toe!  That frog crawled right up your butt and out your mouth!”

Rocky couldn’t even catch her breath enough to laugh.  She just kept squeaking.  The impact kept hitting her in waves.  I was half falling out of the truck laughing my ever loving ass right the hell off.  Because all I could see was these two little frog legs just a wiggling, trying to get up in there so they could make that long journey in order to get out Rocky’s mouth.  I haven’t been brave enough to ask Rocky yet just what visual it brought to mind for her, but judging from those squeaks she was making, I can only guess.  I’m going to rest up real good before I ask her.  Maybe take some vitamins.  Because I’m going to get one hell of a workout laughing when she finally tells me.

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Maria Lauterbach, Cesar Laurean, Christina Laurean

January 20, 2008

Living in North Carolina gives me a front row seat to the circus on this one.  Amid the incessant round of repeat information today I suddenly had a thought.  I think Christina Laurean is lying about when Cesar Laurean told her about what happened to Maria Lauterbach in their house. 

She claims that it was during a drive to see lawyers about the rape.  I don’t think that’s true at all.  I think he told Christina the story about Maria cutting her own throat with a knife on the same day he beat her to death in his home.  I believe that Christina came home from where ever she had been and walked into a slaughter house.  The explanation that Maria cut her own throat with a knife was the only thing he could think of at the time that would explain the blood all over the ceiling and walls of the house without implicating himself in her death. 

It makes no sense that he could beat Maria Lauterbach to death, wash down the scene, grab a friend, go to Lowe’s, buy a bunch of stuff, then paint the walls and ceilings of several rooms in his house, all while his wife is at a party. 

And that is IF he told her that story at all.  You have to keep in mind that Maria Lauterbach had accused Christina’s husband and the father of her 17 month old child of rape.  There is some question as to whether or not the child Maria was carrying was Cesar’s.  It’s entirely possible that Christina didn’t need an explanation about what happened.  She might have been there when it happened.  That might be why she took an entire 24 hours to go to authorities with her information after Cesar left town. 

Maria Lauterbach’s rape accusation had put Christina’s life and the life of her child in jeopardy.  It’s possible that Christina went to her husband’s Christmas party without him in order to make his excuses and give him time to do what he had to do with Maria’s body and the house.  She could have been covering for him.  She had no reason to like Maria Lauterbach.  In her mind, Maria could very well have been the enemy.  If that was the case, she could very well have aided her husband knowingly in every part of what he did.  He obviously had help from at least one person if not several people along the way. 

He wasn’t alone in Lowe’s, he wasn’t alone at the ATM machine.  He probably wasn’t alone at the Microtel near the airport.  Who is the person he was with at Lowe’s?  Who was he with at the ATM?  Why haven’t we heard anything about these people or what they have to say?

Another thought that gives me a hinky feeling about this whole thing is this:  In the note he wrote to his wife, Cesar Laurean puts himself at the train station with Maria Lauterbach when she bought her ticket to El Paso, TX.  As far as I know, HE is the ONLY source of this particular bit of information.  The question is WHY did he put himself there with her?  Did he see someone he knew there?  Did he think he was seen BY someone who knew him?  Did he think there were cameras there?  Did he take Maria Lauterbach FROM the train station? 

He put himself AT the train station with Maria for some reason.  So far I’ve heard no explanation for why he did it, but he had to have had a very good reason for putting himself WITH her at the last place she was KNOWN to be alive on the day she disappeared.  I’m still waiting to hear about this one too.  Could it be that he kidnapped her from the train station?  Could he have taken her to the train station and somehow forced her to buy the ticket to El Paso? 

And for that matter, no one actually SAW her leave her residence.  All they have is a note supposedly from her.  He could have kidnapped her from her home.  He could have forced her to write the note she left.  He could have taken her to the train station and had her buy the ticket then taken her to his home.  It’s not as far fetched as it sounds.  You have to remember this is the man who beat her to death in his house then took her out in his back yard, burned her body up and then buried her there.  Then calmly proceeded to paint over the blood stains in the house his child would soon be walking around in.

I think when this one’s finally over it’s going to be a stomach turner.  What do you think?

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Thoughts For The Day – Jan. 15, 2008

January 15, 2008

Does it seem odd to you that the CBS morning news should be reporting on Britney Spears court nonappearance in her child custody case?  Are there not a couple of areas in the world in which we are in military combat that might require more immediate attention?  Is there not a murderer on the run somewhere in the world who murdered an eight month pregnant woman, whom he allegedly raped, then burned and buried right in his own back yard in North Carolina?  Are there not weather systems going haywire?  Isn’t there a dog stuck in a well pipe on 7th street in some backwoods town in East Bumphuc Egypt?

And while I’m on the subject, does it constitute a low speed chase if only the psycho paparazzi are involved?  Isn’t it a prerequisite that the legal authorities be involved for it to be classified as a “chase” of any kind and to be shown on the national news, for God’s sake?

And, again, while I’m on the subject, does anyone really have an objection to Britney not being there to fight for custody of her children at the moment?  Before you all get up on your high horses and start to judge her as a horrible example of a mother for not being in there fighting for her kids with all her might, let me set you straight.  Britney did the most motherly thing I’ve seen her do in a long time this morning.  She let her kids go to the best place they can be right now.  Does anyone really think they need to be in Brit’s custody right now? 

Permanent Custody is a relative term in the court system.  Until a child is eighteen years old, or until a parent’s parental rights are terminated, nothing and I mean NOTHING is written in stone.  We’ve seen this over and over in this case already.  This could very well be Britney’s first step towards healing in a very long time.  Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

If I were her and I pulled up in front of that courthouse, with no chance of success inside and that gauntlet of press to run outside, I would probably have done the same thing.  Please note the “If I were her” at the beginning of the sentence.  Because every expression on my face on the way out the door would have been worth thousands to some undeserving asshole whose only ticket in is a camera in his hand and the dexterity to plunge the freakin button on it.  Which means a blind monkey in the right position could make that money shot over and over again.  So much for the “talent” portion of our event.

And that’s all for my Britney rant today.

Next……

The four hundred eighty five things you DID do today don’t count.  It’s the ONE thing you didn’t do that matters.  Don’t forget that.

Crackers trump the electric bill every time. 

You can spend all of your time working on a problem and someone who has never been involved will STILL think they can see it better than you. 

Criticism comes easy from the least expected people. 

Support comes from the most UNexpected people.

People who were deliberately absent when all the work was being done will make sure to point out all of the shortcomings of any project.  The harder the project, the more vocal the pointer will be.

Sometimes I’m a bitch.

7 Comments | Blog, Children, Court, Crazy, news, Random, Seeing Red, Thoughts, Trial, Uncategorized, Whining | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by thought4food

Playing Taps For Jackal

January 10, 2008

I’ve been trying not to write this post since 3:oo pm this past Saturday.  That’s when the unthinkable happened. 

It had been an incredibly successful day up until then.  Rocky, The Buddha, Princess Bella and I had finally gone to find a house for Rocky to put on our land.  It was the first time we went to look for one in person.  We had previously looked on Craig’s list, on the internet, ect.  However, Christmas is over, everything has settled down and it was finally time.  We left with only about an hour to spend in the actual process of looking once we got to our destination.  This was to be a half assed attempt at best.

We got to the lot, saw a gorgeous place, went inside, Rocky fell in love, the rest of us fell in love, the kids picked out their sleeping quarters for when they spend the night, and it was on.  Rocky asked the price.  The guy left to find out and we slumped.  We knew it was going to be WAY out of her price range.  We steeled ourselves for the letdown. 

He came back with a lot of explanations about how it had just come onto the lot, they didn’t have it on the website yet, once people found out about it it would go fast, you know, salesman talk.  Rocky and I looked at each other thinking that the price was going to draw blood when he finally spit it out.  Then he asked his final question: are you planning to finance it or will this be cash?

Rocky says cash.  I swear I think the man had an organism right there on the spot.  Then he told us the price.  I think WE had organisms right there on the spot.  He recited exactly the price Rocky was wanting to pay for a place.  My game face went out the window on the spot.  Rocky lit up like a Christmas tree.  Rocky put down a deposit to hold it until we could get it checked out by My Dearest Husband who is versed in all things mechanical.  We left singing and doing the car seat dance all the way home.

And that’s when things got ugly.

As we pulled into the lane, all of the hill dogs came running to escort us up the driveway.  One of them was Jackal.  Jackal loved to ride in the truck.  He would jump in to go with you every time you got in the truck.  It broke his little heart if you left home without him. 

The dogs run circles around you when you’re driving up the driveway.  I was going about negative five miles an hour up the drive when I feel the right front wheel rise and fall.  At that point all hell broke loose.  Jackal started to scream.  All the other dogs broke and ran.  The kids started screaming from the backseat, “You ran over Jack!  You ran over Jack!”

I lost it.  I put the truck in park and jumped out.  I ran over to Jack, who is half sitting/half laying on the ground, squealing.  I started to check him out when I notice that one of his testicles is hanging out.  Nothing is broken, he can walk, all that seems to have happened to him is that his scrotum has split open and his testicle has squeezed out.  I’ll wait for a second while all the guys catch their breath.

I’m crying, I’m apologizing to him over and over for running over him, I’m afraid I’ve killed him, I drive a Suburban for God’s sake!  Jack is screaming, the hill dogs want to smell him and every time I push one away three more take it’s place.  MDH is sleeping, the door is locked, Rocky is trying to keep the dogs away, the kids are hysterical.  It was a mess.

Finally, The Buddha gets the keys out of the truck and goes to get MDH out of bed.  We bundle Jack up to the house in a towel, I give him Benedryl, (yes you can, by weight just like a kid) and aspirin for the pain, (again yes you can, it only kills cats) and start the vigil.  I don’t have the cash for an emergency visit to the vet.  Call me callous if you want I have a house payment and kids to feed, I’m not going into debt for an animal.

Jack spent the weekend watching all the pretty colors that the Benedryl showed him, sleeping when the aspirin kicked in, and crying.  It was horrible.  I spent the weekend laying on the floor of the laundry room with Jack petting him and giving him subliminal suggestions not to die while he was sleeping.  When he wasn’t sleeping, crying, or tripping he was running around outside like nothing ever happened.  I, on the other hand, spent the entire weekend crying. 

On Monday morning first thing Jack went to visit the vet.  The vet tells me, surprise surprise, that his testicle has squished out.  Um, DUH!  He said that he could take them both out if I wanted him to.  Now, I worked at a vet.  I was a surgical assistant for six months.  This ain’t my first rodeo.  But I’m flummoxed.  So, against my better judgement I feel compelled to ask.  “What other possibility is there?”  He informed me that he could remove just the one.  Or…….get this……we could just leave it like it is and he’ll eventually just chew it off.   That’s right!  Another moment for yall to catch your breath.

You okay now?  Alright, so I tell the vet that I would prefer that he simply remove both testicles please.  Cripes almighty!  Like we weren’t all traumatized enough already.  Now I’ll forever have that image floating around in my head! 

Now Jackal, during the weekend, had to go outside to do his business at one point.  His stupendously large cojone was hanging out, but the Benedryl is doing it’s work and he’s moving around at a pretty good clip.  Our other dog, Sugar Plum is in heat.  Thaaat’s right.  Jack discovered his “special purpose in life” just as SugarPlum comes wandering by and, nut hanging, starts trying to hump her!!!!!!!

Jack is a MAN!  The boy had nuts the size of…..of….let’s just say they are HOOOGE!  Or at least they were.  And I didn’t get to bring them home in a jar.  I wish I could of because I’m pretty proud of him.  He hasn’t realized yet that he’s got no bullets in his gun.  He’s still trying to hump SugarPlum.  But we’re not playing Taps for Jackal. 

I sure was afraid we would be.  I keep having these horrible images of that huge suburban running over one foot tall Jack.  It makes me shudder.  I also keep having terrible images of Jack chewing off his nut.  Holy Crap I’m glad I’m not a dog! 

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Random Questions of a Musical Nature

January 9, 2008

If I shot the sheriff, why wouldn’t I shoot the deputy?  Was the deputy even shot?  If I didn’t shoot the deputy, who did?  And why not shoot the deputy if I already shot the sheriff and I’m willing to admit it? 

What on earth was Phil Collins talking about on “In The Air Tonight”?  I mean, that song is so full of ……insinuation, you know?  There are just all kinds of evil things running through my mind every time I get into an elevator now.  It’s just creepy.  Come on, Phil!  Spill it.  It’s time to finally give up the answer to the riddle.  I mean, “I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes”?  Sheesh!  What did you see?  Who did you see do it?  And why are you so pissed off about it?  I need the dirt, man!  Give!

What the hell was Bob Dylan talking about on (insert any Bob Dylan album/song/ditty/poem here)?  Especially Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts.  Now don’t get me wrong, I was all about the Bob when I was younger.  He was Myth personified.  If you don’t count the Rolling Thunder Review, anyway.  I’m not really sure what the hell that was.  He was all so angst ridden and shit, you know?  And mysterious.  And Joan Baez was running after him like a starving dog after a meat wagon.  But what did it all mean???

Steve Miller…….the WHAT of love?  pompetous?  prophetess?  wtf?  I’ll have what ever he was smoking when he was recording that one! 

Did Clay Aiken sing the stalker’s anthem, or what?  “If I was invisible    Then I could just watch you in your room.”  How the fuck creepy is THAT??????   That boy always made the hair on the back of my neck stand up anyway, but this goes too far!

Michael Jackson, did you really think that we would believe Billie Jean if she told us she was your lover???  No freakin way, dude!  And the child is only yours if you were a sperm donor.  We don’t believe for one single second that you are having sex with women. 

And speaking of MJ:  Lisa Marie, Honey, just between you and me, what were you thinking?  I mean seriously, what was that all about?  Or Nicholas Cage for that matter? 

Last but certainly, certainly, certainly not least, who in the name of GOD said that it was alright for David Hasselhoff to get up in front of people and sing?  That person should be imprisoned for the remainder of their natural life, frozen and stored until a future date when we can reverse the effects of aging, brought back to life and imprisoned for the rest of their natural life AGAIN for letting that miscarriage of justice happen!  I get embarrassed for him every time I see him do it.  No wonder the man drinks!  I would too.  Why didn’t Kit tell him to stop?  If I was his car and I could talk I would have told him!  Hell if I was his dog, I would have bit him!  And I know he’s a big hit in Germany.  However, being of German descent, I can tell you that we Germans are naturally so mean that if we can’t be mean to some one else, we will be mean to ourselves and listening to David Hasselhoff is how we are accomplishing that feat.  Hell I’m so mean that when I shave my legs I have to hold a gun on myself to keep me from cutting my own throat.  I know what I’m talking about.

I’ve said this before but it still holds true:  Nice girls don’t blog after their meds kick in.  I’m leaving now. 

15 Comments | Blog, Blogroll, Crazy, Humor, humour, Music, Random | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Permalink
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What Is YOUR Background Music?

January 8, 2008

Question……….

If real life was like the movies, and everyone had their own background music, what would play every time you walked into a room?

Mine differs depending on my mood.  But in general it’s the theme music from the Three Stooges.      Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!stooges.jpg

My kids say it’s that Whump Whump sound from Jaws when I call them by all three names.

My Dearest Husband says he hears Dobie Grey singing Drift Away every time I walk into a room.  I think he says this just because I really love that song and he really loves me.  *sigh*  I heart him.  I really do.  Plus he has a really bodacious tushie! 

So, back to the question.  If real life was like the movies and everyone had their own background music, what would play every time you walked into a room?

10 Comments | Blog, Blogroll, Random, Self awareness, Self realization, Thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , | Permalink
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Random Thoughts On Greatness

January 7, 2008

I was writing at another site recently and one of the titles that caught my eye was along the lines of: How can you tell if you were meant for greatness?  That set me thinking.  As you might know, that can lead to all kinds of off the wall oddage.  However, on this occasion I don’t think that’s the case.  I happen to have a personal little idea about greatness. 

I think everyone has moments of greatness in their lives.  They might not ever even know they had it, but those moments can change the course of someone’s life for the better.  I’ve thought about this off and on for years and years.  It was an offhand comment that was made about me that started it all off.

When I was fourteen years old I was with a bunch of other people at my cousin’s house.  We were listening to the radio and singing along with all the songs.  One of the kids there with us was a boy who liked me.  I liked him too.  We hadn’t done or said anything about it yet, it was all shy looks at this point.  Being about the same age as I was, and shy, and stoopid as boys that age are, he was trying to think of something to say and he decided to go with teasing me.  So while I was singing along with my cousin he said something about me thinking I could sing. 

My throat immediately seized up and I couldn’t make another sound to save my life.  It would be ten years before I could sing in front of anyone again.  That one tiny little teasing comment changed me.  I allowed it to take away a major piece of my life for ten years.  It wasn’t meant to harm me, it wasn’t meant to cause me pain or discomfort.  He was only trying to get my attention. 

However, eventually, I began to think about how much power that one tiny little comment had.  I knew that things like that had happened to other people over and over everyday, all over the world.  The spoken word is an immensely powerful tool.  Used properly, it can lead one to instances of greatness. 

Accidental moments of greatness occur all of the time.  When someone says something nice or encouraging about someone else and it is passed on or overheard, that is an instance of greatness.  That one comment can change a life.  It can lead someone who might have given up, to begin all over again. 

But true greatness can come if this power is guided and used intentionally.  An overheard comment that isn’t said directly to someone had incredible potency.  This is probably because we feel that there is more honesty in something said about is to someone else than there is in something said about us to us.  So, an “accidentally” overheard praise about someone is doubled in force. 

I try to let my kids “accidentally overhear” me praising their good qualities as much as possible.  I like to say all of the good things I can about them when I know they are eavesdropping.  It’s good for them to hear good things being said about them outside of their presence.  Because they are so much more likely to believe it that way.  Besides, my kids are wonderful, and they will never believe me if I tell them that to their faces.  I’m never really sure why!

I brag on My Dearest Husband all of the time.  Mostly I do this because he’s absolutely hands down the coolest human being ever, but also because it’s good for him to overhear me saying good things about him too.  Because it’s human nature to be more likely to believe things not meant to be heard than it is to believe things said to your face.  That way he knows that I love him from what I say TO him and also from what I say ABOUT him to other people. 

I try to point out the good qualities I notice in my kids friends and acquaintances as well, because I know that kids tell everything.  Therefore anything I say about their friends will be repeated to them verbatim.  I tell them how one of their friends seems to be meant for the diplomatic corps because they seem to be able to get everyone to get along.  Or another seems to be the favorite of every animal that is within shouting distance, so they might be a vet one day.  It gives them something to think about, something to see in their future, something about themselves that is more than just a kid.  It gives them a glimpse of themselves as adults for just one brief moment.  As successful, respected adults.  It gives them something to shoot for.

I think people who help someone out of the goodness of their hearts with no expectation of return for their effort are an example of greatness.  I think people who can make you laugh when you feel like crap are an example of greatness.  I think people you can talk to when you need a place to dump all of your negativity are an example of greatness.  I think people who give you a shoulder to cry on are an example of greatness.  I think people who can spend time with you and make you feel comfortable with silence are an example of greatness. 

An offhand remark has enormous power to affect the lives of the people who hear them.  If you make the proper offhand remark at the proper time you just might be an example of greatness yourself.  You probably already have, whether you know it or not!  How cool is that?

2 Comments | Blog, Children, Cool, Kids, life, People, Random, Thoughts | Tagged: , , | Permalink
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