Questions and Comments 11/23/10

November 24, 2010

1. So, do you think that the airports will hold up the airplanes while the protesters are getting all felt up by airport security?  Or will they go sailing off with a bunch of lucky people who were on standby?

2. Exactly who is the brilliant genius who thought up Four Loko?  How did this stuff get past the powers that be?  I think that Four Loko is a terrorist plot to undermine and destabilize our youth!  Wait…toooo late!!!!

3. How come no one in this country is screaming bloody murder about insurance companies and the crap they pull?  I mean, these people can take your money for years,  give you nothing in return, and then drop you like a hot rock when you use them for exactly the reason you pay them.  Which means that they got to rob you blind, then walk away with all your money and no one even bats an eye.  Since when does anyone in this country get to promise you protection for a fee and then walk away and give you nothing?  Ummmm besides the Mafia, I mean. 

And here we conclude the questions portion of our evening.  We will now begin the comments portion.

I get all discombobulated thinking about the airport security question these days.  Because I totally get the need for security.  If I were getting on a plane I would want everyone from the pilot on down to myself to be searched with a fanatic vigilance.  I really don’t relish the thought of being aloft in a bombed out airplane.  However, having said that, I also completely understand the feelings of violation that some of the people feel who have undergone the pat down.  Personally, I think that if I was flying, I would use the machine.  It would serve them right to have to look at that! 

Caffeine and alcohol go together like cheese and drill bits.  mmmkay?  Need we say more?  Why yes, I believe we do need.  The fact that this stuff was on the market at all leads me to believe that I could concoct a drink consisting of herbal tea and battery acid and it would be allowed on the market.  Apparently there are no regulations governing this kind of thing.  Next thing you know doctors will be prescribing anti-suppresents and diet prozac. 

How sad is it about the stampede on the bridge in Cambodia?  Dang…..

What is UP with all these mine disasters lately?  I realize that this is a question and we’re supposed to be done with that but seriously…..WTF?  Is this designated as mine disaster season on the universal calendar of events?  Where do you supposed one could get a copy of that calendar?  THAT would be a handy-dandy little thing to have, wouldn’t it?

Welp, tomorrow begins my mad dash to try to get Thanksgiving Dinner on the table.  I’m trying to decide what all I can cook a day ahead.  The good news is that the turkey is now slowly thawing in the fridge and I have all the ingredients that I need to cook everything I had planned to cook.  We’ll see how it goes.  Luckily I have a built-in excuse if everything goes wrong: I’m the one with brain damage.  Everyone else however has no excuse because they allowed me to handle it all.  What kind of poor judgement is that?

I also have two deer hides that I have to do something with.  I really hate to start messing with them on Thanksgiving Eve.  It’s really a messy endeavor.  Maybe I will try to take some pictures of the process and we can see how it works out together. 

Oh!  One more thing…..MDH is going to be in The Horse Magazine!  He’s building a motorcycle for a contest.  I’ll keep you posted on that too.  Or…you could always subscribe to the magazine.  But I will have the inside scoop.  So stay tuned!

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Thoughts on Back Yards

August 7, 2009

I have recently become conscious of other people’s back yards.  They fascinate me.  You ride along the road and sometimes catch a little glimpse of a back yard.  My imagination takes over and off I go!

It reminds me of when I was younger and lived in town.  I loved to walk.  I walked everywhere I could every chance I had.  My favorite time to walk was just after dark.  People had turned on their lights, the shades were still up and I could see the upper parts of their walls, and their ceiling.  Occasionally I could see someones head as they passed by.  I always wondered what happened in those houses. 

What were they doing right that second?  Was the whole family together or were they all doing their own things?  You could tell when the television was on because the room flickered.  That made it seem that much more magical.  I never wanted to see the people in the daylight.  I never wanted to be able to see the entire room.  I made up stories for each house and the people I imagined in them. 

Now, back yards make me feel the same way.  I have noticed that often back yards are not at all the same as front yards.  They usually have a totally different feel to them.  My guess is that back yards reflect the owners personality more clearly than front yards. 

Front yards are for show.  Back yards are for living in.  For instance, my front yard is nice and neat(LOL  sometimes!) while my back yard is a total catastrophe!  It is just like my brain, disorganized, messy, but with the potential to be really nice if you could just get a clear picture of what you want and the methods of making it right would come to you in the proper order.

Living way out in the country, I have the chance to see quite a few back yards on my way to and from town.  My favorites are the back yards of older houses.  They usually have old farm buildings back there.  Some have smaller houses as well.  My guess is that the smaller houses are the original house on that site.  Sometimes they are old and empty, sometimes still in use. 

Some of the other things I see in back yards are swing sets, kids toys, gardens, rabbit hutches, chicken coops, interesting small buildings, patios, decks, junk cars,ponds, rusty old farm equipment, horses, and llamas.  I really like the llamas. 

In my own back yard there is the following:  a fire-pit with benches around it, a picnic table, my mom’s house, a grape vine, a ton of roses, a swing set, a barn, some jet skis, the dismantled building from MDH’s grandfather’s house, a garden, a clothes line, a target for knife throwing, a chin up bar, various and sundry bicycles, a canoe, a john boat and a burn pile.  That burn pile is really getting big!  Partly that’s because it contains the chair our dog Ditto gave birth in.  (shudder)

That’s what’s in my back yard, what’s in yours?

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Hello 2009

January 5, 2009

Well here we are in 2009!  We managed to make it through another year. 

We have a new President who made (long overdue) history.  We are in the middle of a recession.  *sigh*  People have lost their homes left and right.  The price of gasoline inexplicably went up and then….wonder of wonders…..went down again when people stopped driving so much.  At the end of it, we had the same old realization, that the oil companies made incredible profits by riding on the backs of the consumer.  Sad.

This past year seemed to be built on the unfortunate premise that greed at any cost is a good thing.  Hmmmm…..greed at any cost?  That seems to be an unwise choice of words, but there it is.  At the moment I don’t have the mental facility to correct myself.

On a more personal note, the year was pretty good.  Sure, we’re being hit by the recession along with everyone else, however I grew up fairly poor so I have a few tricks up my sleeve for dealing with all of this.  I’ve also been here before and I know that in the end it all gets better.  For those of you going through this for the first time, hang in there.  It’s like a kidney stone:  It hurts like hell, but it doesn’t do any permanent damage and it will pass.

MDH is doing great.  He’s moving right along on all fronts and seems to be, for the most part, happy and healthy.  He is committed to the volunteer fire department in our area and takes classes in order to be more useful to them.  Being helpful and useful is in his nature.  It is one of the things that makes him one of those people that you just want to be around.  He is getting back into Tai Chi, and will soon be smoking his pipe again.  He’s a Native American Pipe Carrier.  He’s been on a Vision Quest and everything.  That was an awesome event.  I’ll tell you about it sometime.

The Buddha and Princess Bella are doing well too.  They were both on the honor rolls last report card time.  They both got awards for perfect attendance.  Their teachers think the world of both of them.  They both love school.  The holiday vacation was hard on them.  They missed their friends and their teachers!  However, they both made out like bandits at Christmas.  The Buddha’s comment was, “We have less money than we ever had but this year I got more things I asked for than ever before!”  It didn’t hurt that he pared down his list to just three things that he really wanted. 

Rocky is doing wonderful.  My brother, Porkchop, and his daughter Tiffany came for a surprise visit right after Christmas.  She was in Heaven!  Her knee bothers her, I think because of the difference in the weather between here and Florida.  But she’s a tough cookie and never complains about anything. 

Possum is doing fantastic.  A little history for you since she doesn’t play a huge roll in this blog:  Possum is MDH’s natural daughter.  I adopted her when she was very young.  Now she’s MY daughter too.  We went to court more times than anyone ever should in order to gain custody of her and keep her safe.  We accomplished that in a very satisfactory way.  Now she is eighteen and has gone to live with her natural mother’s family.  It caused a lot of hard feelings at first for some family members.  But!  she has the right to get to know them.  We did our job, we kept her safe and secure while she was growing up.  We taught her to think for herself.  Now we have to let her do it!  Besides, if I were in her position, I would be doing the exact same thing.  She seems to be happy and healthy.  It makes me smile to think of her that way.  I miss her because she is in another town, but I’m happy that she is happy. 

Birdie, my natural daughter and Buddha and Bella’s mom, moved here from Texas a year ago.  She just told me the other day that she is moving back there now.  It makes me sad to think of her being that far away again, but to be honest we have only seen her a few times since she’s been here so for all practical purposes, it won’t be any different.  We’ll just know that she’s not nearby anymore when we think of her.  It will probably be good for her to go though, because Baby Jimmy, our youngest grand-baby, is buried there.  She won’t have to think of him being so far away all by himself anymore.  That was very hard on her.  I hope she is happy with her decision and that it works for her the way she wants it to. 

We have a whole new batch of puppies.  *sob*  Seventeen this time.  I’m taking them to Walmart and pushing them on kids like a drug dealer.  (in whispery, underhanded voice)  Pssst….Hey kid!  Wanna puppy?   I’ll dress them up in Valentine’s Day bandanas and name them all sweetheart names.  Love, Passion, Chocolate, Candy, etc.  Do you think it will work?  Lord I sure hope so!

So, a late, Happy Holidays!  I hope your New Year is better than you hope, with all kinds of interesting adventures.

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Musings On Nothing Relevant

November 8, 2008

One of my teachers from childhood told me this story and I remember it often:

One night at the dinner table a husband asks his wife why she always cuts the roast in half and only cooks half at a time.  The wife thinks about this and says, “That’s the way my mother always did it.”  She thinks about this and decides to find out why.  She calls her mother and asks her the same question.  Her mother answers, “I do it that way because that’s the way my mother did it.”  Now mom is curious so she calls her mother and asks why she always cut the roast in half and only cooked half at a time.  Her mother replies, “I did it that way because my roasting pan was too small to fit the whole roast!” 

We often get in the habit of doing things and never really question why.  When the light bulb goes off over our head, it sometimes gets hilarious.  Think about the things you do out of habit.  You might just get a laugh when you find out the origin of the habit.

Which brings me to the next part of my post:  The origin of phrases we use everyday, but have no idea where they came from or what they really mean/meant. I found two really great websites that give the origin of phrases and words.  I’ll list them at the bottom of the post.  For now, let’s look at a few of the common phrases we use everyday but never question.

The quick and the dead:  This phrase didn’t start out meaning “fast and dead”, which was made popular by the Sharon Stone movie of the same name.  Quick means alive.  So the phrase means “the living and the dead”.  You can click on either of the links and find a more complete explanation.

Three sheets in the wind:  We use this phrase to mean blind, stumbling drunk.  It’s a nautical term.  The sheets aren’t the sails, which is what I thought.  The sheets are the ropes or chains that secure the sail in place.  If three of the sheets are loose and blowing in the wind the sail will flap and move like a drunken sailor. 

Tit for Tat:  This phrase is used to mean returning slight for slight or returning in kind what we have been given, usually something bad.  It was originally spelled “tip for tap” as in blow for blow.  The spelling was changed to tit for tat. 

The websites that gave me the explanations for these phrases have a blue million more as well.

The Phrase Finder is here:    http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/t.html

Word Origins is here:   http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/big_list/

These sites are interesting and informative and will be a total time suck if you’re like me and can’t get enough of explanations for things.

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Thoughts For The Day November 7, 2008

November 7, 2008

Election

Well, we have a new president elect.  I wish President Obama luck and success in all he tries to do that is good for this country and its’ people.

I was listening to him discuss the new puppy his family is getting when he described himself as a “mutt.”  At first it seemed humorous, but after a bit it wasn’t so much funny as painful.  I know how difficult it can be for people of mixed race, especially if it is black & white.  They rarely seem to feel like they belong to either race.  It can be a hard and lonely existence. 

It would thrill me to no end to be able to figure out a way for them to identify with allof their cultures.  It makes sense to me.  That’s what I do.  I’m German, Irish, Scotts, French, Canadian, and Asian.  I’m not sure exactly where in Asia, but it showed in my eyes a lot before my face started melting.  My eyes had a very pronounced slant.  And I can’t confirm it yet, but I have a suspicion that there are Native American genes on my father’s side. 

I embrace each and every one of those places and cultures.  Being of more than one nationality, like most people, I pick and choose which things I want to keep about a culture and which I choose not to keep.  I’m each and every one, therefore they all belong to me.  I can do with it what I will. 

I do NOT have to pick only one, because that would be denial.  I am ALL of those things and undoubtedly even more that I’m not aware of.  I am them and they are me.

Sometimes I’m very German, other times I’m a Scot through and through.  I have no problem moving from one to the other.  It seems to be harder for people of black and white mix.  Probably because of racial conflicts that are instilled in peoples’ memory. 

I hope our new president will be able to help people of mixed race to overcome some of that discomfort.  If he can go even a tiny bit in that direction he will have my vote.  (an itty bitty pun there) 

 

Halloween

We had a great time Halloween night.  I was feeling really good so we went to the Fire Fighter’s Burned Childrens Fund haunted house.  It was CREEPY.  It was fun.  It was huge.  It took all night to get everyone in the line through the house and the woods trail.  We bugged out at about 11:30 pm.  It seemed like it had only been a few minutes that we were there. 

MDH dressed up like a scarecrow with a pumpkin head.  That sounds innocuous enough, but it was really disconcerting.  He had this HUGE pumpkin head that he got from Wally World.  He had cut the bottom out, hot glued an orangey-yellow film over the openings and put it over his head.  You really had a hard time keeping your eyes off of him. 

He went onto the woods trail and stood by a tree.  Now, MDH does Tai Chi.  So he was doing this standing exercise to keep from locking his knees and fainting, because he was exhausted from working all night the night before and getting no sleep.  When you came around the corner and saw him, it looked for all the world like he was hanging from the tree.  Everyone thought he was stuffed.  He would wait until about half of each group would go by, then slowly bend into the line and reach his hands out.  Sometimes he would speak, and sometimes not.  I have never heard grown people scream so much like little girls!  After twenty times of seeing it, it still creeped me out in the extreme to go past him.

Princess Bella was stationed at the exit door of the haunted house.  After each group would go through the haunted house, the guides would tell you that now you were going to go on the haunted trail.  You thought everything was over, you descended the back stairs of the house and stepped out onto the porch thinking that you were going to get a moment to gather yourself when BOOM!!!!  Princess Bella would scream at the top of her lungs and start making this God Awful banging.  It made you want to jump out of your skin.  And it didn’t help that she was  the perfect little Cinderella.  It just made the contrast that much more disconcerting.

The Buddha and I were the back guides on the tours.  We followed the groups through the house and trail in order to keep everyone together and to block them from running backwards off course.  It was hilarious and spooky all at the same time.  We had one group of kids that skattered in the very first room.  Before it was over, we had lost three of them.  They demanded to go back to their moms.  It was great.

I went through that house for hours, in fifteen minute intervals.  I walked my every lovin legs off.  It was great.  It took me two days to be able to stand up without groaning like I was 100 years old. 

When we left at 11:30, there were still about 100 people waiting in line to go through and more were still coming.  They were such a success that they opened it again the next night!  THAT rules!

We did the same thing we do every Halloween, we bought all of our favorite candy for the trick or treat bowl.  But we weren’t here to give it to trick or treaters, so we get to eat it all.  I guess that means that I need to learn to love my fluffy figure.  🙂

Accomplishments

MDH got employee of the month at work.  He got a certificate, a paper with his picture on it along with a description of what he did to earn it, and a great big huge re re looking thing to hang on his rear view mirror so that he can park in the Employee of the Month parking space.  I died laughing at the parking thingie.  It’s twice the size of a handicapped card that you hang on your mirror.  He said that he wasn’t going to use it.  I don’t blame him.  I am very proud of him for getting this honor because he deserves it.  Congrats, MDH!

The Buddha and Princess Bella both got honor roll on their report cards.  I’m proud of both of them because I see how hard they work everyday to get good grades.  We had a special dinner when they got their report cards in order to celebrate.  I love it when a plan comes together.

I went grocery shopping.  I know this doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment.  But……when they rang up my groceries it came to $249 and change.  After all my coupons and discounts and such it was $164 and change.  I really like that.  A guy in the line behind me said that if it didn’t stop taking money off, that they were going to end up having to pay ME for buying groceries.  Kinda made me feel good.

My daughter and son-in-law both have their child support set up.  I’ll start getting it this month.  Considering all of the circumstances, that is one hell of an accomplishment for both of them.  I’m happy and the kids will be too.

Rocky has settled into her house.  I am happy for her but I miss having her here.  I know that she’s only a few feet away but it’s not the same.  She gets more familiar with her surroundings every day. 

So, that’s us.  That’s what’s going on up here on the hill.  That and the leaves are changing.  MDH and I pulled onto the Lane today and a breeze was blowing.  It sent the leaves falling down around us.  It was snowing leaves.  It was a beautiful sight to see and it made a memory that I won’t forget for many years to come. 

I love autumn.

 

PS……Click on the Bloggers Unite badge to the right and read about how you can help.  Then come back here on Novemeber 10th to read my blog post on refugees.  Better yet, write your own and we can read each other’s posts.

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Various and Sundry

October 28, 2008

It’s Monday morning.  It’s very quiet here.  Because the kids don’t have school today, The Buddha is off spending as much time as humanly possible away from home.  He squeezes every ounce of away time out of vacations.  He’s becoming a …oh I can’t say it!…..teenager.  The entire idea just gives me the willies. 

I was just watching the news and they were telling about a dog that refused to leave a burning house until the baby kittens he was watching were rescued.  He was overcome by smoke and had to be treated.  That dog rules.  I know first hand just how loudly your survival instincts scream at you when you’re in a burning house.  That he stayed was remarkable and that he lived to be a hero is justice. 

Princess Bella has a friend named Hannah.  In actuality she has about ten friends named Hannah but I’m only talking about one of them here.  This particular Hannah is a tough little cookie.  She is the only girl in a family full of boys.  Same as me.  In consequence she is a tomboy and she’s not afraid of anything.  I like her.  Therefore I pick on her relentlessly.  She doesn’t know it though.  What I do is say her name backwards all the time and she never even knows it!  One day she’ll figure it out and I’ll be in trouble.

Our oldest daughter, Bertie, used to have twin boys in her class.  Their names were Carter and Retrac.  WTF?  I mean how lazy is that, to give them the same name and just spell one backwards?  If I were Retrac, I’d be pissed!  I have no idea if they have the same middle name. 

Sunday morning at 6:20 a.m. MDH’s firehouse pager went off.  Two teenage girls were found in a creek bed off the side of the road.  One of them was pinned inside of the vehicle, which was overturned.  There was no obvious smell of alcohol.  The drove straight off the road, never hit brakes or anything.  The girl who was pinned under the car has a head injury and was flown via Life Flight to a bigger hospital in another town.    Last I heard, texting while driving was the suspected cause of the accident.  So, in the interests of public safety and just because becoming preventably retarded at the age of seventeen sucks a big green weenie, those of you who text while driving……..CUT THAT OUT!!!!!  

The movie “There Will Be Blood” is strange.  I’m going to watch it again just to make sure, but I’m fairly certain that it’s strange.  I didn’t really get it.  However, after watching it and seeing how it went, I’m also glad I didn’t get it.  I liked the sign language in it.  We’re re-instituting sign language Wednesdays at our house.  It made me happy that I could tell what the main character’s son was saying before the interpreter spoke. 

Okay, my brain is now empty.  So is my belly.  Let’s go have some breakfast, alright?  Alright.

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Aimless Wandering Of My Brain

October 14, 2008

Our local convenience stores and gas stations are having a price war.  (Excuse me while I jump for joy)  They are currently down to $2.99 a gallon.  When you consider that my vehicle sucks gasoline like an alkie at an open bar, this is happy news for me.  I hope they continue along these lines because I have been trying to wean my truck off of the stuff and it’s like trying to rehab Robert Downey, Jr.  Not gonna happen!  Any day now I expect to get a call telling me to come pick my truck up from the impound yard because it was found asleep in a stranger’s garage. 

Drew Cary sucks as a replacement for Bob Barker.  I’m not sure anyone would have been able to take Bob’s place smoothly, however, Drew Cary sucks as a replacement for Bob Barker.  I had to say it again because once is simply not enough.

I will be immeasurably happy when the elections are over.  If I see one more campaign add that features a fifteen year old video clip of one of the candidates, taken out of context, I’ll puke.  If they were more evenly matched physically, I’d just love to see them mud wrestle.  It would be far more entertaining than having to dodge all the mud they’re slinging. 

I love sunrises and especially sunsets.  This has nothing to do with anything, but as the title says, I’m rambling.

I love being grown up.  Unlike Princess Bella and The Buddha, I get to stay up as late as I want and play video games!  Yay me!  I got one for my birthday.  I rule and I have mad skillz.  No one can touch me on the game.  This is mainly because I have all day and all night to play and they don’t.  Sucks to be them.  I still rule!  MDH will catch up with me in time, but for right now, I’m da boss.

DeeDee, our momma dog, is in heat.  I let her out the other morning and she ran off for a couple of hours.  The next time I saw her she was running out of the woods from a direction I have never seen her go in.  I believe that she took off and got some “strange.”  *sigh*  This could get ugly.

Tomorrow I get to spend my third day in court at a child support hearing for the kids.  I would rather take the beating.  They never say my name, they never speak to me, yet I have to be there every time.  They would never know it if I didn’t show up.  I would be just my luck that if I didn’t go, that would be the day they decided to call my name.  You would think that after three months it would be settled, but nooooo.  Sheesh!

Strangely enough, being fifty-one is just like being fifty.  Whoda thunk it?

I always over-pack for trips, vacations, etc.  If you have it and you don’t need it, it’s no biggie.  If you need it and don’t have it, it is a biggie.

I wish I could remember to write down my ideas for this blog so that I wouldn’t forget the things I think about that I want to write. No such luck.  If I did write it down, I would forget where I put it, anyway.  The neuropsychologist told me that I needed to use organizational tricks to remember things.  She used pocket sized notebooks as an example.  Yeah, right.  I have about thirty of those floating around here.  I can pick up any one of them and read what I wrote in it, but I cannot for the life of me tell you what any of it means or why I wrote whatever it is.  It’s like reading a dead language. 

I want to learn a dead language.  That way, if I screw it up, who will know?

I sometimes consider having my legs amputated.  They usually work pretty good and there is nothing fatal wrong with them.  But if my legs were gone people wouldn’t look at me so strange when I say I can’t do something that they think I should be able to do.  That “Oh PLEASE!!!!” look would be gone.  That would be nice…….for a minute.  I guess I would rather have my legs and just hope that someday education will win the fight and people won’t be so thoughtless.  That kind of thing always makes me feel bad about myself.  It hurts.

What in the name of all that’s holy could women over the normal age for childbearing be thinking of when they deliberately get pregnant?????  Say a fifty year old woman gets pregnant.  By the time her kid is of age, she will be in her seventies.  Who the hell thinks THAT is a good idea?  On the other hand, I’m prejudiced against the idea only because I’m tired and old and I’m raising kids who feel cheated because I can’t walk through the haunted house with them.  Any of you who feel that you need to get pregnant when you’re over the normal childbearing age, just remember, you aren’t the only person to consider.  Then, when you’re done, you tell me to STFU and mind my own business.  Do what you think is right. 

I have heard and read a bazillion arguments against gay marriage and I have yet to hear a single one that doesn’t end up reading like this: “Two thousand years ago, in a land I’ve never been to, a God that didn’t belong to me told some people that have nothing whatsoever to do with me, in a language that isn’t mine and never will be, that it was a bad idea.  It says so right here in my never altered, never mis-translated, never amended, never changed by human hands, English language, KING JAMES version  Bible.”   However, those same people shave their faces, cut their hair, get divorced, steal, lie, and covet their neighbor’s ass like there’s no tomorrow.  And still there is not one iota of an indication of how gay marriage is going to harm anyone, of how it will adversely effect one single person.  If the only argument against it is a religious based one, it has no place in the laws of this country.  Get over it.

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Happy Birthday To Me

October 8, 2008

Happy Birthday to me…..

Happy Birthday to me…

I feel like I’m twenty…..

But I’m really fif   tyyyyyyyy……

One….

 

I’d like to thank Rocky, for having me, MDH for standing by me even though I’m certifiably insane, The Buddha and Princess Bella for not hacking me up with an axe while I sleep, and Possum for not reversing the adoption.  I’d also like to thank the Academy, only because whenever you hear someone giving a speech and they are thanking people, they always thank the “Academy” whoever that is.  Also I would like to thank “God, Jesus, The Lord” or whatever name is the current favorite for the year, just because that one always gets tossed in too, either right before “The Academy” or after.  Like Jesus is an acting coach or sumpin.  Sheesh!

I can see him now, in his long flowing robes, beautiful hair flowing in a breeze that only blows for him, light emitting from his very being, love and compassion dripping from his every pour, sitting in his director’s chair screaming “CUT CUT CUT Dammit!  That is NOT how I WANT it!  Let’s take 5 and see if MISS THANG can pull her head out of her ass and get it together here!  Water!  I need water!  Thanks….  Moses, you bastard!  How am I supposed to drink a bottle of parted water!  Smart ass.  Everybody’s a comedian” 

Yeah, getting a mention must just make His day!

Intyways……I’m fifty-one!  Yip-fuckin-ee.  My face is melting like the witch in The Wizard of Oz, just without the bucket of water and the flying monkeys.  I have jumping dogs….does that count?  I am starting to look a little bit green, though.  It’s beginning to concern me a little bit.  Not enough to actually DO anything about it but I notice it, you know what I mean?  Hmmm….is that green right there?  It is, isn’t it?  Yep, it’s green alright.  Oh well, at least it’s in a wrinkle.  Until it creeps outside of that, no one will see it but me.  I’m good!

I have this neck brace that I use when I have to ride in the car for a long time.  (another story for another time)  I was trying it on the day I got it and when Buddha saw me he asked “What is THAT for?  Did you hurt yourself?” I told him, “No, I just got tired of holding my head up.”  It took him a few seconds, but he got his patented disgusted look on his face and stomped off telling me, “Stop doing that!  I believe you when you say that stuff!” 

*sigh*  All in all it’s been a fun fifty-one years!  I hope the next fifty-one are half as good!

 

P.S.  Please feel free to send money, cards, gifts and ponies!  I ain’t shy and I ain’t got no shame!  Gimme!

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On Why You Should Eat Dirt

October 7, 2008

I wrote apn article one time on Helium about my Multiple Sclerosis being caused by me being so clean my immune system had nothing to do.  Being an honest, hard working immune system, it decided that in order to earn its keep, it would therefore attack me.  Ha Ha, right?  Apparently, not so much.

I just read an article saying pretty much the same thing.  It stated that research recently done has found that it’s possible that people not exposed to the usual round of childhood illnesses and diseases, combined with the pathological (my word not theirs) cleanliness nowadays, has caused immune systems to delvelope differently.  Holy crap! 

So, eat some dirt!  Let your kids play with the kid that has a cold.  And for God’s sake PLEASE stop running around with those damn hand sanitizers!  I just want to slap those damn things out of people’s hands when I see them! 

You are weakening your immune system to the point of non-existence by doing that.  You have an immune system for a reason.  It fights off disease, and immunizes you against further attack against the virus in the future.  If it has nothing legitimate to do, it WILL find something, take my word for it. 

And in case it hasn’t blipped your radar, children who have had measles don’t require a booster case of measles at college age in order to keep from contracting it then!  That immunization lasts a lifetime.  Which means that the pseudo-immunization that you get from vaccinations doesn’t exactly count.  My guess is that the reason for the booster is because a vaccine is a mild version and your immune system creates a mild immunization to a trumped up virus.  It responds in kind.

MS and other autoimmune diseases are much more common in women.  They’re not sure why but, you guessed it, I have a theory.  It’s because men spend much more time outdoors and get much more dirty.  It was a man who invented the five second rule.  Men eat with dirty hands.  Men don’t contract as many autoimmune diseases because men have developed their immune systems much more naturally than women.  

Unless you’re in the sewer and you drop your sandwich, or it falls in a pile of buffalo poop, lose the terror of the germs.  They’ve been here longer than you.  They’ll outlast us all.  Forget about the segregation idea, you can’t live separate from them.  You can’t get rid of the germs!  They live on you 24/7/365.  They live IN you.  They live all around you.  They aren’t going away. 

When human beings first started being human beings we ate dead animals that weren’t even cooked.  We slept in the dirt.  We wore…well probably nothing for a long time, but after that we wore animal skins,  we sat on the ground, our tools were all made of stone, we didn’t have soap.  And we lived in that state for thousands and thousands of years.  We had no Ebola, no MARFAN, no black plague, no influenza.  If we had, humans would have been wiped out.  Or if we did, we had some kick ass immune systems that kept that wipe out from happening. 

What does that tell you about dirt and about being dirty?  Something to think about while you’re tossing out that freaking hand sanitizer.

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Bella, Lassie, and the Chicken Biscuit

July 29, 2008

My Dearest Husband occasionally brings home biscuits for breakfast.  Since he works 3rd shift and he passes every food place in town on the way home he can do this without too much trouble.  He does it just often enough to make it special.  We all love it.

Today he brought us home biscuits for breakfast.  Bella got her usual chicken biscuit.  She, according to her, will only eat fried chicken.  Having said this, I can cut up anything at all and tell her it’s fried chicken and she will then eat it.  Anyway, she loves chicken biscuits, so MDH got her one.

When she woke up to her’s she was ecstatic!  She asked where it came from.  MDH, never one to tell a simple story, told her that Lassie woke up this morning.  Sensing that Bella would be jonesing for a chicken biscuit for breakfast, Lassie ran down the road to the store and whined.  The store keeper listened to Lassie and said, “What, Lassie?  Bella is hungry?  And she needs a biscuit?”  To which Lassie whined some more.  The shopkeeper listened again then said, “What, Lassie?  Not just any old biscuit will do?  Bella has to have a fried chicken biscuit?  Okay then, I’ll make her one right away!” 

Lassie whined to the shopkeeper some more.  To which the shopkeeper replied, “What did you say Lassie?  Toss in four more biscuits?”  Lassie whined a bit more.  The shopkeeper said, “Any old biscuits will do for the rest of the family, eh?  Okay Lassie.  Should I just put this on your bill?” 

Lassie whined one last time and the shopkeeper said, “You’re welcome, Lassie.  You have a great day too!”  Then he handed Lassie the bag of biscuits and Lassie ran out the door just as MDH pulled up.  Lassie jumped in the truck and they pulled out and drove home together.  They got there just in time to surprise Bella with a piping hot fried chicken biscuit just as she woke up for breakfast!

After listening to this whole long story in wide eyed wonder, Bella’s only reply was, “Who is Lassie?”

*sigh*

 

 

For those of you too young to remember, Lassie was the single most intelligent being on a farm in TV land back in the LONG AGO.  The family he lived with THOUGHT  they were smart but Lassie had them all beat in the smarts department by a country mile.  And every human for miles around understood that when Lassie came whining it meant that some dumb ass had gotten themselves into trouble.  The dumb ass was usually Timmy, Lassie’s “owner”.  There is some controversy as to who actually owned whom.  Considering the fact that Lassie took way better care of Timmy than Timmy took of Lassie, I feel that Lassie was the dominant character here.  That’s just my opinion.

Also, Lassie could convey vast amounts of information in that whine.  It was amazing!  All my dogs can do is look at me stupidly then five seconds later pee on my floor.  There is none of that “Lassie” type of information-passing going on here.  I mean, if Bella or The Buddha were to fall into a well, I would find out about it because all of the dogs would be milling about aimlessly near the well.  No one would come to me whining in a meaningful way.  No one would come to me and bark out that I needed to get a rope to pull them out, no not a hemp rope, a nylon rope.  They might come and lift their leg on my foot just for kicks and giggles but that’s about the extent of it.

DeeDee can do some tricks.  If I say we’re going to be rich, she will stick her nose up in the air.  If I tell her that daddy farted, she will cover her face with her paws.  She can sit, stand, lay down, dance and box.  That’s it.  No saving lives, no communicating complex information, no giving directions to out of the way places.  Just your average everyday dogs. 

Lassie was one of a kind.  Google her.  Maybe we can get a Lassie revival going.  Because to be honest, it made me feel old as hell when Bella asked that question.  And I didn’t like it.  Not one little bit!

Leave a Comment » | Children, Family, Kids, life, Random, Uncategorized, Whining | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
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